Worth Every Scar
by red-bell-again
Summary: ...Sam slammed on his breaks and shut his eyes, the sound of twisting metal biting into his ears as his body lunged forward in his seat...One stupid mistake is all it takes to change a life forever. Sam/Emily A/H
1. Chapter 1

"I can't…I can't do this anymore," Sam stood from the wooden floor, stumbling on his feet a little and having to grab the end of the bed to steady himself "I never realised how selfish you are, how self absorbed…you're a class A bitch!"

He gestured wildly; his face contorted into frown trying to focus on the girl before him as she stood to fast for his eyes to keep up.

"I'm selfish?" She screamed in his face, the smell of beer wafting between them, "How dare you? You are such a hypocrite, when was the last time you did anything for me?"

"I'm always doing stuff for you, I come to your house and cook you dinner, I take you anywhere you want to go and then I pick you back up at god knows what time of the morning even though I have school in the morning!" He shouted back.

"That stuff doesn't count!" She hissed, "I'm talking about flowers, presents and taking me on dates."

"That's seriously all our relationship is to you? Flowers and fucking candy?" Sam scoffed and shook his head in disbelief "How many times do I have to tell you that I can't afford to do those things all the time Leah, all my money is for college. You keep on about having a future together, but how exactly do you think that going to happen if I can't get a decent job to support us?"

"If all your money is for college how come you just bought a new car? What about me?" Leah crossed her arms over her chest.

"My mom gave me the money for that car; I have to pay her back!" He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to clear the alcohol fuelled rage that was building "I can't do this anymore, Leah. Every other fucking day is the same, the same arguments over and over again…We're finished."

"No were not!" She yelled, as he pulled his jacket from the back of a chair and tucked it under his arm, grabbing an open bottle of beer and chugging the last of its contents.

Sam wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and walked towards the door "See you around Leah." He pulled open the door and walked down the hall, casting a glance at her younger brother who stood in his doorway, sleepy eyed and confused.

"Don't you walk away from me Samuel Uley!" Leah screamed as she ran after him "You don't get to decide when were finished."

"I just did," He shrugged pulling open the door to his car and slipping in to the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition and it roared into life.

"You'll regret this," She sneered, "come Monday you'll be begging me to take you back."

"Not this time, Leah." He slammed his door and sped out of the drive, flicking the button on his radio and loud music blared out from the speakers.

His headlights illuminated the dark road ahead, trees rushed past the window. He felt his eyelids becoming heavy and coughed and shook his head to clear the fog from his head.

A sharp ring cut through the music in the car. Stopping at the lights, Sam twisted in his seat to retrieve his phone from his pocket, Leah's image peering up at him from the screen.

He pressed the busy button and tossed it towards the passenger seat, but it bounced off and into the foot well, "Shit!" he exclaimed leaning over and reaching under the seat, trying to find it.

A car honked somewhere behind him, and Sam shot up and pressed on the gas pedal, speeding into the middle of an intersection. His breath caught when as he focused on the road in front of him and saw a small, blue car passing in front of him and time seemed to slow down as he glanced at the lights that were still red and back to the other car. The girl in the front seat looked over in realization, her face going from serene to terrified as Sam careened towards her.

Sam slammed on his breaks and shut his eyes, the sound of twisting metal biting into his ears as he braced his body against the seat. He felt his himself fly forward, a sharp pain shot across his chest and the sound of breaking glass followed by something warm running down his face.

The car seemed to spin for an eternity, finally coming to a stop on the other side of the road. Sam opened his eyes and felt a sharp pain shoot through his head, his right eye became obscured as it swelled. His breathing was fast and painful and his heart pounded, as he frantically searched for the release on his seatbelt.

"Stay still!" A voice yelled from outside and a hand reached through the broken window to hold him down against his seat.

"What? Let me up!" Sam grumbled at the stranger, resisting the pressure on his chest and he visibly winced at the pain it caused.

"It was a pretty bad smash, man! I think you should just stay still until an ambulance gets here, you might have hurt your neck or something" the man exclaimed, moving his hand to Sam's shoulder and pressing slightly harder.

Sam took a deep breath and looked around him "The other car? What happened, where is she?"

"Over there." The man pointed to his left.

He spotted the car, a mangled heap on its roof on the other side of the intersection "Oh my god! What did I do?" He breathed out as it all went black.

* * *

"Sir…" A muffled voice rang in his ears, and he felt someone tugging at his clothes. "Sir? Can you tell me your name?"

Sam wheezed and tried to open his eyes, suddenly feeling a pressure round his mouth he frantically reached up to his face and tugged.

"Sir it's an oxygen mask, you need to leave it alone." The voice sounded clearer than before, and bright lights burned his good eye. "Can you tell me your name?"

He reached for the mask again, lifting it slowly from his mouth. "S…Sam Uley."

"Okay Sam, do you know where you are?" he shook his head. "Try not to move Sam, we're still assessing your injuries. You are in Forks Community Hospital you had an accident. Can you remember anything?"

"I was…I was driving." He breathed, his voice muffled by the mask. "I stopped at the lights…my phone rang…I thought they'd changed…I." His voice cracked and a sob racked through him followed by a growl as pain shot over his chest.

"What have we got here?" A male voice asked.

"This is Sam Uley, seventeen from Clallum Bay, involved in an RTA with one other vehicle. His head made contact with the windscreen and he has severe chest pain, decreased breath sounds on left side. Definitely broken ribs possible Hemothorax." The first voice replied.

"Where is she?" Sam rasped as he heard a door open and close. "The girl, is she here? Is she okay?"

"You said he's only seventeen?" The man ignored him.

"That's what his licence said."

"His bloods just came back." He sighed. "He's over twice the legal limit."

"Doctor Sullivan, we need you in resus, the other drivers' crashing." An urgent voice burst into the room.

"Set him up with some pain relief, get an X-ray and then page me." The doctor instructed. "What the hell was he thinking?"

_**Four months later.**_

"Samuel Uley, you did a very foolish thing." The judge peered down at him "You not only endangered your own life but the sheer stupidity of your actions caused an accident that your victim was lucky to survive…You yourself are lucky that this was a first offence otherwise there would have been no hesitation on taking this case to Adult court!"

Sam nodded in understanding, and fidgeted with his clasped hands.

"I am sentencing you to thirty-six weeks in a juvenile detention centre," Sam felt his stomach fall at the judges words "you must serve a minimum of twenty weeks, early release will be given in view of good behaviour…I hope you have learned your lesson Mister Uley?"

His eyes stung with tears and he nodded "Yes sir." Somewhere behind him, he could hear the whimpering of his mother and the calming whispers of his Sue Clearwater. He turned towards them, catching his mother's tear reddened eyes and she shook her head and buried her face back into her friends shoulder.

"Come on son," Chief Swan took his elbow and led him from the small dock and out of the courtroom and to a waiting cruiser, shielding the top of his head as he slipped into the back. He reached for the cuffs at Sam's wrists. "I can trust you not to try anything, right?" Sam nodded.

"You're going to Green Hill School; it's in Chehalis so it's going to be a bit of a drive." The chief told him as he took his place behind the wheel "It's an okay place, you'll be able to finish your GED while you're there and if you behave they'll give you some vocational training… They specialize in young adults with chemical dependencies."

"I don't have a chemical dependency!" Sam growled. "It was mistake, a stupid mistake and god only knows how much I wish I had just walked home that night, but I am not an alcoholic! Come on Charlie, you know me."

"All the same," He shrugged pulling away from the curb. "It was alcohol that helped you into this mess; you will have to undergo some sort of counselling about it."

"Do you know how she's doing?" Sam blurted.

"They requested anonymity, you know I can't…" He shook his head and breathed deeply.

"Please Charlie," Sam begged "I just want to know something, this is tearing me apart…Every night I close my eyes and all I can see is her face right before I hit her."

"She's okay," Charlie whispered "I saw that wreck and quite frankly you're both lucky you escaped with your lives."

"Who is she?" Sam asked quietly, knowing the answer.

"I can't tell you that, so please don't ask me again?" Charlie stared at the road ahead and Sam slunk deeper into his seat.


	2. Chapter 2

"Sam?" A middle aged woman poked her head around the door to his room, peering at him as he sat on his bed, flipping through a book. "Are you busy?"

Sam shook his head and smiled softly "No Doctor Cullen, I was just looking over some stuff for English Class."

"Well then would you mind accompanying me to my office? I have something I would like to talk to you about." Sam rose from the bed and followed her from the room, her auburn hair bouncing on her shoulders as she clicked her way down the corridor, greeting everyone that she passed.

When they reached her office she opened the door and stood to the side to allow him to enter, closing it behind them and directing him to the chair in front of her desk.

"So," Sam leant his elbows against his knees and rubbed his palms together nervously "what did you need to talk about, Doctor Cullen?"

"My friends call me Esme, Sam. I'd like to think that we are friends." She smiled and pulled a file from a desk drawer and placed it in front of her "I've been your Psychologist for the past eighteen weeks, over the past couple of days I was asked to perform your character review to assess the possibility of early release."

Sam sat up straight, his eyebrows raised expectantly at her as she began to flip through the file,

"I have gone over every meeting we've had, spoken to the officers on staff in your wing and your teachers. The general consensus seems to be that you are a well rounded, intelligent young man, showing genuine remorse for your actions and the trouble that they caused. You were sent to this particular facility because of our specialisation in drug and alcohol dependency and every screening we've performed has come back clean and there was no evidence of prior substance abuse."

"So?" He prompted.

"So, assuming that this behaviour continues and your final screening comes back all clear," she shrugged "then I have recommended that you be considered for release two weeks from today."

Sam's face broke into a wide smile, and he leapt from the chair causing the doctor to startle and jump in her chair "Doctor Cullen, Esme…Thank you, so much!" He held his hand out to her and she chuckled and took it.

"You're welcome Sam, but please take a seat there is something else I would like to discuss with you." She indicated back to the chair, and Sam sat, twitching his knee excitedly. "During my discussions with the other members of staff a couple if thing's came up repeatedly…Are you planning on attending college?"

"I mean, I wasn't planning on it," he shrugged "but…what do you mean some things came up? What kinds of things?"

Esme chuckled at the confusion on his face "Relax Sam, it's nothing bad…far from it. Most of the people I talked to commented on the strength of your people skills, your ability to stay calm in extremely tense situations and even help to diffuse them and how assertive you are during team work and in particular a natural ability to lead."

Sam cocked an eyebrow at her "Really?"

"Yes really! And I can honestly say that I agree with every single one of them. I think that you could go on to do wonderful things. You are a natural born leader, people admire you, look up to you and it would be a shame to see you waste it." She leant towards him, her elbows on the desk.

"I just never really considered it, at school I was always praised for sports, I was hoping to get a scholarship but since I'm here," he waved his arm around the room "it's highly unlikely anybody will give me one."

Esme stood from her chair and walked around to him, leaning against the desk "I'll write you a letter of recommendation, I don't think a sports scholarship is possible now, but your grades are good…better than good."

"But nobody is going to want me!" Sam exclaimed.

"That's not true," she knelt in front of him and wrapped her hand over his balled fist "You don't belong in this place. I am by no means condoning what you did, it was foolish and dangerous and you deserved the punishment you received, but you don't belong here. Everybody makes mistakes but they're also entitled to a fresh start."

"I just…" He shook his head "I can't go home, my mom don't want to know me! And I may not have been banished from the reservation, but I can't go back there and I can't even afford to find my own place let alone four years of college!"

"I can talk to your mom." Esme started, but Sam cut her off.

"There's no point!" He raged "She thinks I'm an alcoholic, I've shamed her."

"Well then show her you're not," Esme stood back up "I know she's wrong, you know she's wrong so make her see it."

"I'm eighteen Doctor Cullen, I don't have a job, I'm basically homeless, and I have about two thousand dollars in savings and a criminal record." He hung his head "I failed the second I got in the car that night, and there is nothing that will change it."

"Not with an attitude like that it won't!" The doctor went back behind her desk and sat back in her chair. She picked up the phone and tapped in a number "Serenity House, Clallum County please."

Sam continued to watch the floor, twisting his fingers and picking absently at his nails, the sound of Esme's voice turning into a dull hum.

"Sam? SAM!" Her voice jolted him from his stupor. "I may have found you somewhere to stay… Serenity House in Port Angeles provide shelter for the homeless. They have some spaces available and if they still are when you get out, then one is yours. It's a maximum stay of ninety days, but if you still haven't found anywhere in three months then I will help you, but you have to let me know."

Sam nodded stupidly "Um, thanks."

"I'm going to make some calls about getting you a job; maybe some work based training, okay?" She cocked a well groomed brow at him and he nodded again. "Right well, you can go back to your room... Finish your English work and I will see you again on Monday for our next appointment."

Sam stood and went to the door, his hand on the knob when Doctor Cullen stopped him "Be good Sam, don't throw this all away. You are a bright, strong man…this will all work out in the end, just stay with it."

* * *

A few days later, Sam was headed back to his room, hands shoved into his pockets and not entirely concentrating on where he was going when a loud shout rang through the hallway and Doctor Cullen came hurling down the corridor screaming for security as she ran through a set of swing doors into an adjoining lobby.

The noise increased and Sam glanced through the small window in the door to find Doctor Cullen and another woman trying to talk a large boy who they'd backed into a corner into putting down the chair he was brandishing while screaming at them.

He pushed through the door and Doctor Cullen chanced a quick glance at him before returning her eyes to the boy in the corner.

"You need to leave Sam, go back to your room." She commanded stepping back when they boy lunged forward, growling.

"Paul please! This is for your own good!" The woman next to Doctor Cullen wailed. She rang her hands frantically, tears streamed down her aged face. "You need help, I'm only doing this because…"

"Don't say you love me, you never loved me!" Paul spat, turning on her.

"Paul, put the chair down." Esme said softly. "We'll go into my office and we can talk about this. Your mother's right, you need help."

"I don't need help! Not from you or her, not anymore!" He screamed. "I learned a long time ago not to rely on her for anything, when she stood there and watched me take another beating from that fucking monster she brought into our home!"

"Paul, I…" His mother sobbed, shaking her head.

"You what?" He scowled. "You should've helped me? Stood up for me? What mom? What!"

"I'm so sorry." Her voice cracked and she sank to the floor. "I'm sorry I didn't protect you, I'm sorry I stood by while he did that to you and that I let go on for so long, but you weren't the only one he hit."

"I'm your son! You were supposed to take my side and keep me safe!" Paul exclaimed and turned to Doctor Cullen, his eyes brimming with angry tears. "Do you know what she did? In ninth grade, the school nurse got involved because she noticed the bruises after I took a fall in gym. My mother," He hissed glancing at her "told them that I was clumsy and that I'd been getting into fights outside of school. That night, he beat me for not hiding it better.

Last year, he beat me so hard he broke the top of my arm, my collar bone and left me with concussion. She told the hospital that she'd found me at the bottom of the stairs that morning, that I must have fallen down them because I'd been out drinking the night before. I was put in counselling for underage drinking and anger management because she couldn't bring herself to stick up for her only child over a man that hit us both on a daily basis! "

Paul chuckled manically. "Not anymore though, I finally managed to stick up for myself. Stupid son of a bitch didn't even see it coming!"

"Paul please, I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry? You're sorry, _you're fucking sorry_!" He hurled the chair over his mothers head. She ducked, shaking to the floor as he stalked towards her, practically brushing Esme off his arm when she tried to stop him.

Sam ran forward and grabbed the slightly smaller boy around his arms and locked his hands together, stopping him in his tracks. "Don't!" He whispered, as Paul spat obscenities at him and struggled under his grasp. "Don't let it get the better of you, don't become him."

"I'm nothing like him!" Paul screeched angrily, his face turned bright red, tears, sweat and saliva dampened his face. "My father was a coward and a liar that beat children and women to make himself feel like a man. I'm nothing like him!"

"Not yet but if you hurt her? You're no better than him." Sam exclaimed. Paul's legs gave out from underneath him and he sank to the floor with a silent scream and Sam still wrapped around him.

The door behind them burst open and security and a nurse ran in, heading straight for Paul who put up no resistance as the nurse pushed a sedative into his arm.

Esme breathed out loudly as he was pulled from the floor and Sam sat back on his heels. "Monitor him closely; he's been using anabolic steroids for an unknown amount of time. It may be in all our interests to restrain him until he comes round in case he decides to lash out again."

Two more nurses appeared with a gurney and lifted Paul's limp form onto the bed before heading back towards the medical wing.

The guard gripped Sam's arm and pulled him to his feet and Esme snapped her head round. "Leave him; it was nothing to do with him. Could you please take Mrs Cusick to Carlisle and get him to check her over; I think she may be in shock." She gestured to Paul's still cowering mother and the guard nodded and helped her to her feet. She turned to Sam. "You, come with me."

"I'm sorry Doctor Cullen, but security weren't there and he was gonna…" He trailed off. "I couldn't let him do that."

"You should have left when I told you to Sam. It was a dangerous situation and you could've got hurt." She frowned. "But thank you, you did very well."

"You mean I'm not in trouble?" He asked.

"No Sam, you're not in trouble." Esme pushed open the door to his room and took the seat in front of his small desk, gesturing for him to sit on the bed. She rubbed her hands down her face and relaxed her shoulders with a sigh. "I know we've broached this subject before, and you've been less than receptive to it but after what I saw today I think it's something we need to discuss before your release. Tell me about your father."

Sam groaned and fell back against the bed, bouncing slightly with the movement and pinched his nose. "I really don't want to talk about that. Besides, don't you already have all that information?"

Esme nodded. "I do, I have the information you're mother gave me, teachers reports and doctors reports. But I don't have your version of what happened. I don't know how you feel about it all."

Sam pushed himself up and rested his elbows on his knees. "Do we have to do this now?"

"I know what happened out there hit a nerve with you, Sam." She cocked an eyebrow. "It dredged up a lot of what happened in the past. You need to talk about, you can't keep it bottled up inside so, our final meeting on Monday? This is what we're going to talk about, for as long as it takes."

"Fine." He huffed and Esme stood from the chair and patted him on the shoulder.

"By the way, I was actually on my way to talk to you before all that happened." Sam looked up at the doctor who nodded towards the empty bed on the other side of the room. "Paul's your new room mate."

* * *

Paul eyed Sam warily as the guard escorted him into the room and directed him as to where to put his things before leaving them alone.

Sam sat on his bed, one leg tucked under him and leaning against the headboard as he read. He dropped the book and let forward, his hand out. "Hi, I'm Sam."

Paul sneered and turned to his bunk, opening his bag and pulling out the issued navy sweatpants and white t-shirt. "Whatever."

"So, that was some performance you put on out there yesterday." Sam pressed. "You okay?"

"What the fuck does it have to do with you?" Paul tensed and turned to him, fists balled at his sides.

"Nothing." Sam held up his hands "But I've been where you are, the new kid. It's tough."

"You're nothing like me." He hissed dropping down onto his bed and tucking his hands under his head.

"You'd be surprised." Sam shrugged and picked his book back up.

Paul fidgeted and sighed. "What…what are you in for?"

Sam looked over the top of the book, eyebrow raised. "Drunk driving and causing a serious accident. I got drunk and had an argument with my girlfriend…ex. I made the spectacularly brilliant decision to drive home and ploughed straight in to another car and injured the driver." He pursed his lips. "I almost killed her and myself. You?"

"GBH." Paul mumbled.

"Would that be the, uh, sticking up for yourself you were talking about yesterday?" Sam asked as Paul sat on the edge of his mattress.

"I finally managed to get the first punch in this time." He chuckled humourlessly. "Trouble is, it didn't end with the first one, and the fucker pressed charges."

"Was it worth it?" Paul tilted his head up to look at Sam and shook his head.

"Not really." He shrugged. "He still alive."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I've been neglecting this fic for a while, but I've finally found a direction for it so I'm hoping the updates will be more regular (if anyone's interested?). This chapter deals with some dark issues, mostly domestic and child abuse so be warned if you're sensitive to the subject. Reviews-as always, are appreciated. **

**I let you read now!**

* * *

Sam stared out the windscreen at the car in front of him. He could hear the scream of the girl behind the wheel, her hands raised up in an attempt to shield herself, obscuring her face as the headlights of her car got brighter and brighter until he was blinded by the glare and all he could hear was the deafening combination of twisting metal, breaking glass and terrified screams.

Sam shot up in bed, his eyes flying open to the darkness of his room. The car was gone and so was she but the screams were still ringing in his ears. He glanced towards the small, reinforced window, the soft light from outside illuminating Paul's bed and the source of all the noise.

Just like the past two nights since his roommate has moved in, he lay on his bed, twisted into a fetal position, sheets balled up at his feet, his shaking body covered in sweat and his teeth gritted as he screamed in his sleep.

Sam sighed and slipped his feet from under his sheets, wincing a little when they hit the cold linoleum floor. He took the few steps towards Paul's bed and reached for his shoulder but stopped himself inches away as he remembered what had happened the first night when he'd attempted to wake him, and his black eye seemed to throb at the thought.

He moved back and placed his foot on the edge of the bed, bouncing his leg to shake the mattress.

"Paul? Paul, wake up!" Sam exclaimed softly shaking the bed again. "Paul!"

Paul leapt to his feet so quick that Sam had no time to move out of his way and the force of Paul's body colliding with his propelled him backwards, his feet flying out from underneath him and there was a loud thump as his shoulder connected with the edge of his wooden bed frame.

He groaned and let himself slip to the floor beside his bed, his left arm reaching up and over to rub the bruising flesh at the top of his back.

"Shit!" Paul breathed letting his shoulders slump and sitting back on his bed with his elbows on his knees. "Sorry Sam, but you know what happens when..." He trailed off and Sam nodded in understanding.

"Night terrors again?" He asked and Paul shrugged and dropped his head. "Wanna talk about it?"

"You my therapist now?" He scoffed. "If I won't talk to Cullen what the fuck makes you think I'm gonna talk to you?"

"You should give her a chance you know?" Sam cocked an eyebrow as Paul shook his head and flopped back down on his bed. "Esme's not that bad, she listens. She helps."

Paul turned his head to face Sam, a wry smile on his face. "Esme, huh? You know thinking about it; you were in her office an awful long time yesterday. What kind of therapy is it she offers again? Only I'm beginning to wonder if I'm missing out on some kinky extras!"

"Don't go there Paul." Sam growled. "She's good at her job and she's helped me a lot. I get out of here in a week and if it was up to anyone else I'd be leaving here with nothing but the clothes on my back, but Esme made sure I had somewhere to go, among other things. If you give her a chance she'll help you too."

"I guess I'll take your word for it." Paul replied nonchalantly, folding his arms behind his head. "So what were you doing in there?"

Sam sighed and pushed himself from the floor and on to his bed. "You remember when I told you I knew what it was like to be where you are?" Paul nodded and rolled his eyes. "Do you want to know this or not?"

"Whatever dude, just get on with it already!" He waved a hand dismissively, his eyes falling shut and Sam let himself drift back to his previous meeting with Doctor Cullen.

"_**Afternoon Sam," **_Esme smiled shutting the door behind him and gesturing for him to sit in one of the plush leather chairs on the other side of her office "I hear things aren't quite going as planned with you and Paul?"

"It's nothing." He shrugged, dropping into the seat and self consciously cupping his still bruising eye. "I should have known better than to try and wake him from a nightmare, I was just standing too close. Last night I threw my book at him and he just rolled over, so I think I'm going to stick with that method from now on!"

The doctor rolled her eye's and tried to quash the smirk that threatened to break on her faced as she grabbed her pad and paper and sat opposite him. "Okay Sam, why don't you tell me how you've been doing?" She glanced up at him; pen poised as he pursed his lips and shrugged again.

"Apart from the black eye, I've had a pretty good week," he nodded "I got all my English credits so I'll definitely be getting my GED and I had my final drug screen this morning which I _know_ is going to come back clear. I'm looking forward to getting out of here."

"That's good, Sam." Esme nodded with a small smile and scribbled. "How about the nightmares? You had any recently?"

Sam breathed deeply. "Nothing different, same faceless girl, screaming, I hear the car crash but I can't see what's going on and then I wake up. Only difference is now that Paul's in the room, the screams are real."

"Nothing else?" He shook his head. "What about since last Wednesday, after what happened with Paul and his mother? How has that made you feel?" She asked and Sam rolled his eyes.

"Let's not pretend you don't have an agenda." He scowled, folding his arms defensively across hiss body. He'd known this was coming and he just wanted to get it over and done with. "If you want to know something just ask!"

"Fine." Esme placed the pad and paper on a small table next to her chair and clasped her hands in her lap. "Tell me about your father?"

Sam steeled himself for a moment, his eyes flicking towards the doctor. "Have you ever been told you weren't wanted? I have."

He dropped his gaze and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "My mom was just seventeen when she met my dad and he was a lot older than her at the time. He'd been away from the reservation for a while but came back to work with his dad, my grandfather, at the tribal council and my mom was doing some summer work in the same building. They dated in secret and my mom found out she was pregnant a few months before her eighteenth birthday."

"And your father didn't want her to continue with the pregnancy?" Esme asked and his eye's shot up to hers.

"You mean you haven't heard this part already?" She frowned and shook her head. "My dad wasn't the one with the problem, my mom was. She was young and about to graduate, she didn't want a baby but somehow he managed to convince her to keep me."

"And you know all this?" The doctor frowned, pulling a file from the table and thumbing through it.

"He told me," Sam nodded "he made sure I knew who 'saved' me, that I wouldn't even exist if he hadn't had stopped my mom from going to the abortion clinic."

"I'm sorry Sam that must have been very hard for you." Esme smiled timidly and he shrugged.

"Just another scar, right? At least you can't see this one." Sam pushed himself from his seat and shuffled to the large window. "I didn't know what was going on at first. I was too young I guess, and when it's something you grow up with you don't really see it as wrong."

"See what as wrong?" She had picked up her pad again and Sam could tell she knew the answer.

"The violence." He answered bluntly. "I know now that it had been going on since I was born, I found all that out at the trial, but I don't have any memories of it before I was about five and even then it wasn't something I saw. My mom always put me in my room and I would hear my dad yelling and she would cry and then the slapping would start- at least I think that's what the sound was?

Then a little while later, dad would come and get me and there would be no tell that anything was wrong or that anything had happened. He'd tell me that my mom had gone for a lie down and that he was taking me out for dinner or ice cream and when we came back, she would be up and smiling like nothing was different and like I said, I was too young to notice that she wasn't using an arm or that she was limping."

"You never saw any bruising?" Esme asked as she scribbled away.

"No, I guess he was smart about that, it's why nobody knew what was going on until…" Sam trailed off. "He never went for the face and she always wore long sleeves and pants, I never even knew until that night."

"What happened, Sam?" She sat forward in her chair, her eyes soft and shining as she stared at him. "Tell me what happened?"

"It was my birthday," he started "I had just turned ten and my parents had thrown me a little party with some of the other kids from the rez. My mom was really happy that day, she was busy in the kitchen, there were cakes and streamers and balloons all over the place and she had invited over this woman. She was a new friend of hers who had just moved to our village and she had a son who was about five, he spent the whole day following me around but I didn't mind.

Anyways, my dad showed up about an hour into the party and he brought me this bike that I'd been looking at a few weeks before in a shop window. I was so excited, when I saw it." A smile found its way onto his face but he quickly pushed it away.

"But then he saw this woman, my mom's friend and I remember seeing the look that passed over his face when he looked at me playing with her son."

"Did you know who they were?" Esme asked.

"No," Sam said stiffly "not at the time, but I do now. Neena and Embry Call."

"He's your little brother, correct?" She was scribbling again and Sam nodded.

"Yeah, Embry's about fourteen now I think? He doesn't know though." He added quickly. "Neena didn't want him to know that my…our dad did what he did so he doesn't know that we're related."

"What happened after your dad saw Neena and Embry?" Esme prompted, glancing up at Sam as he perched himself on the windowsill and pulled at the leaves of the spider plant next to him.

"The party ended pretty quickly after that." He sighed. "I got sent up to my room again except this time my mom wasn't the one crying, she was the one yelling. She was shouting about how she knew, the moment she saw that little boy she knew who he was and my dad started yelling back.

A few minutes later I heard her run up the stairs with my dad calling after her and then the bedroom door slammed. I stayed in my room, it wasn't really anything different but then I heard my dad come up and he started shouting again only this time it was louder and then the banging and thumping started and my mom was screaming so I got up and I ran out."

Sam brow furrowed and he swallowed deeply as Esme looked on sympathetically, offering a small smile of encouragement and a nod for him to continue.

"Their bedroom door was open so I walked over and at first all I could see was a large bag with some of my mom's clothes sticking out, sitting on the bed and the closet was open but when I stepped inside he was…" He winced as if in pain, bringing his hand up to rub his forehead. "He had her in the corner of the room, crouched over her and she was whimpering with every punch he landed! She was begging for him to stop but he just kept on hitting her, he didn't even _try_ to mind her face. Her cheek was already turning purple, one of her eyes was swollen shut and every time she begged him she spat blood."

"What happened next?" Esme asked softly. "What did you do, Sam?"

"I jumped on him." He whispered. "I ran and jumped on his back, I pulled at his hair, punched the back of his head and shouted for him to stop but he threw me off and came after me. I didn't even recognize him when he first stood over me, he wasn't my dad, there was nothing…and then he hit me again and again and I could hear someone screaming in the background, and I could feel the cold floor under my hands as I tried to get out of the way

The whole time he was shouting at me, telling me that he saved me, that my mother never wanted me that she was willing to kill me before I was born but that he'd asked her not too-he'd saved my life and now I was no better than her for choosing my mother over him!"

"What else?" Her pen flew across her page.

"I don't know." Sam shook his head. "All I remember is reaching out and grabbing the banister and then everything went black, I didn't know…" His voice cracked a little and Doctor Cullen rose from her seat, file in hand and stood next to him at the window.

"It's completely understandable after what he did to you, Sam." She flipped open the file. "Broken jaw, broken collar bone, fractured elbow, cracked ribs, multiple bruises, laceration above the left eye and a ruptured spleen."

Sam glanced sideways, spotting the pictures of his ten year old self, face purple and swollen and mouth wired shut and his stomach rolled.

"She pushed him down the stairs." His voice was barely audible but Esme tilted her head to look at him and he knew she'd heard. "That's what the police told me when I finally woke up and asked to see her, but they'd taken her away, charged her with manslaughter."

"But she was never convicted." Esme stated and he nodded.

"She was acquitted a few days into the trial." He explained. "Apparently once I was born she knew what a mistake she would've made if she hadn't had me and she took to being a mother like a duck to water. I became her life and my dad got jealous of the attention I received, started reminding her of what she wanted to do, and held it over her head. She tried to leave when I was a few weeks old and that was the first time he hit her.

Our neighbor, Sue Clearwater had seen her black eye, my mom lied it off and my dad never hit her above the neck again but it was enough to prove that he had been abusing her for years. That and the x-rays that showed all the old breaks."

"Why have you never spoken to anyone about this?" She asked, reaching over to squeeze his arm.

"Because everyone already knew the story, it's right there in your file!" He pointed at the paper in her hand and moved out of her reach. "Why did I need to go over it all again?"

"Because it's not good for you to keep things like that bottle up inside." Esme insisted. "No matter how hard you try to forget or ignore what happened, it eats away inside of you until it can't be contained anymore. It may could be months, years-decades even! But it will happen!"

"It's all my fault!" Esme jumped back at his sudden outburst, watching warily as Sam slumped with resignation and fell into his chair. "Don't you see that this is all my fault? If I was never born then my mom would never have had to put up with being beaten everyday for almost ten years and my dad would never have become what he did, he'd still be alive! I should have stopped it!"

"It's not your fault Sam! You were a child, what could you possibly have done?" She exclaimed taking a step towards him. "And you being born wasn't the reason for your father's violence, he had a criminal record the length of my arm. He was an angry man, Sam, long before you came along. And if it wasn't you and your mom it could have been anyone-Neena and Embry, maybe?

The truth is your father was always that man. Nothing anyone could've done would change that."

"Is this going to affect my release?" Sam asked, refusing to meet her eyes.

"No, but I do think that you should see someone after you leave." Esme walked to her desk and pulled out a diary. "My son-in-law is a counselor at Serenity house, I'd like for you to meet with him at least a few time's while you're there."

"I don't need a shrink, Doctor Cullen." Sam growled and she sighed.

"Back to Doctor Cullen, are we? I thought we'd gotten past that." She sent him a small smile. "Jasper isn't a psychiatrist, he's a counselor and he specializes in cases of abuse and family problems. Just think of him as a friend, someone who you can talk to and someone that will listen."

Sam nodded and stood to leave. "But in the meantime, if you ever need to talk, my door is always open."

"Thanks Esme." He said quietly before walking out the room.

_**Sam**_ turned his head to find Paul watching him intently, his jaw locked tight. "What I went through was by no means the same as what you've been going through, but I have an idea about where you're coming from. You need to talk about it, get it all out for the sake of uninterrupted sleep if nothing else!" He added in jest and Paul breathed out a chuckle before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and sitting up.

"My dad didn't want me." Paul admitted quietly, his eyes planted firmly on the patch of floor between his feet. "He had big plans to go away to college but when my mom got pregnant his parents forced them to marry and he couldn't do it anymore. He ignored me until I was four but after that all bet's were off!" He laughed humorlessly. "At least your mom tried to shield you from it."

"I'm sor…" Sam started but Paul cut him off.

"I don't want your pity. You told me your story and I told you a little of mine, that's all." He shrugged. "So your brother, Embry Call right?" Sam nodded.

"Yeah, you know him?" He frowned.

"He lives a few doors down from me." Paul said pursing his lips. "Pretty quiet kid, but he's been in some trouble lately."

"What kind of trouble?" Sam asked, sitting up straight.

"Some older kids from a couple of towns over have been hanging around and he's been with them." He told him with a shrug. "About two weeks ago I was hanging out of my bedroom window and I saw him sneaking out at about two in the morning, police brought him back a couple of hours later- it's happened a few times."

"Do you know why?" Paul shook his head.

"Kinda had enough of my own problems to deal with. I figure if he's coming home in one piece it can't be too bad."

A knock at the door startled them and a guard called out to them. "It's three in the morning, time to quiet down guys."

Paul lay back down with a sigh. "No point in worrying about him now when there's nothing you can do. Just wait until you get out and you can go check on him."

"Easier said than done." Sam mumbled.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Serenity House is a real organization that specializes in the rehabilitation of people who are homeless for some reason or another but, I have used my creative license with it in this story. More Sam, hope you enjoy it, it's getting a little lighter now (for the time being). **

_**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**_

* * *

"Do you want any of these books?" Sam asked Paul as he stuffed a couple into his bag. "I mean there are no pictures or anything, and there are some big words-ouch!" He chuckled as one of Paul's sneakers bounced off his shoulder.

"Fuck you!" Paul grinned from his perch on the end of Sam's bed. "Nervous?"

Sam grimaced and zipped up the bag. "A little, I guess I kinda got used to being here." He shrugged. "In a twisted way it's become my home."

"Yeah? When was the last time you lived in a house with reinforced windows where your mom locked you in at night?" Paul cocked an eyebrow and smirked. "I mean this is home away from home for me, but you? I'm guessing not so much!"

"Hey," A guard appeared at their doorway "time to go buddy."

Sam nodded and lifted his bag on to his shoulder, reaching out to shake Paul's hand. "Remember what I said, okay? Let them help you. You never know," he shrugged as he headed for the door "they might let you out early?"

Paul chuckled as the guard pulled the door shut and Sam heard him shout. "Where's the fun in behaving? Maybe I'll make them think I've got a split personality or voices in my head? That should get me some pretty decent meds, right?"

"Good luck with that!" He shouted back with a smile as he was walked out of the wing and towards the entrance hall of the building.

Sam pushed through the doors to find Doctor Cullen standing at the reception desk waiting for him with a younger man.

"Sam, this is my son in law, Jasper Whitlock." She said enthusiastically as they shook hands. "I asked him to come and escort you to Serenity House and help you settle in, any questions or any problems you can go straight to him."

"Nice to meet you sir." Sam nodded politely and Jasper chuckled.

"It's been a while since I've been called sir." He said with a grin and a slight southern twang. "Jasper will do just fine. You ready to go?"

"Sure." He turned to Doctor Cullen. "Thanks for everything Esme, I really do appreciate it."

"You're welcome, Sam." She smiled, squeezing his bicep. "Everything will work out just fine, you'll see and you know where I am if you need me."

Sam followed behind Jasper as they were buzzed out of the building and walked to the car park.

"First gen Camaro." His eye's widened in adoration as he spotted the vehicle. "Sixty nine?"

Jasper nodded as he opened the driver side door. "You know cars?"

"Not really," Sam shrugged dumping his bag on the backseat and slipping in the passenger side "I had a weekend job at Black's Garage at the edge of the Rez before…the owner, Jake, he had me working on one with him for a couple of weeks. It wasn't even close to being in the same condition as this one though!"

"I spent a lot of time on this car, it's been a labor of love and my wife has questioned my relationship with her more than once!" He grinned. "I had a lot of time on my hands a few years ago and she kept me going."

Jasper reached a hand out to rub the dashboard of the car and for the first time, Sam noticed the scars that peeked out from the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

He caught Sam's eye. "Esme tells me you got some scars of your own?"

"Do we have to talk about this?" Sam groaned and Jasper chuckled quietly and shook his head.

"She told me you were stubborn too! I'm not going to make you talk about anything you don't want to, but we still have a good few miles to go before we get to Port Angeles so we may as well talk about something." He said pulling out of the parking lot and Sam watched in the rear view mirror as the Green Hill grew smaller and eventually disappeared.

"You tell me about your scars and I'll tell you about mine." Sam mumbled as he looked out the window and he saw Jasper nod out of the corner of his eye.

"Seems fair." He pursed his lips. "I was in the army, Captain Jasper Whitlock."

Sam's brow furrowed and he turned to face his companion. "I thought you were a counselor?"

"I am," Jasper nodded, his eyes never leaving the road "I always have been. I joined the army to complete my master's degree, they offered a full scholarship and when I completed I was required to do active duty.

To cut a long story short, the vehicle I was in went over an IED. No one was killed, thank god! And I wasn't the worst casualty, it was mostly shrapnel."

He brought his scarred hand up and pulled back his jaw length hair to reveal a spattering of shiny white scars that covered the skin underneath his ear and over his neck, disrupted his hairline and disappeared under his collar.

"I had a few burns, mostly first degree, a couple of second and one third degree, which you saw on my hand and," he stopped the car at a set of lights and pulled up his trouser leg to show Sam his metal limb "the blast destroyed the lower half of my leg, they amputated above the knee."

Sam sat dumfounded as Jasper pulled off again, a smirk on his face. "It wasn't all bad. I was out cold for a few days after the shrapnel hit me in the head and when I woke up I had an angel standing over me. Her name was Alice Cullen and the first thing she says to me is 'I've been waiting for you Captain Whitlock' right before she rips a dressing off my chest!"

"Esme's daughter?" Sam asked and he nodded.

"And my wife of five years. She was a reserve nurse and just started her active duty when I was brought in and she looked after me until I was shipped back home. A year later I went to the hospital for a refit," He tapped his fist against the prosthesis "I walked past the emergency room, heard an almighty crash and when I looked ,there she was, this tiny little thing pinning down one of the biggest guys I've ever seen, haven't spent a day without her since. Your turn."

Sam shot Jasper an exasperated look and he chuckled again. "Hey fairs, fair!"

He sighed and launched into a narrative, offering more explicit details to Jasper than he had Esme, as he sat silently and listened to every word and by the time he was done they were nearing Port Angeles.

"Esme explained what they do at Serenity right?" Jasper asked and Sam nodded. "You'll be staying at the adult shelter while they help you find something more permanent, no more than ninety days and it's going to be a mixed bunch-substance abuse, medical issues, domestic violence and just plain homeless, but everyone there is receiving some form of treatment and I'll be there three days a week."

"You don't work there all the time?" Sam asked with a frown.

"I split my time between there and my home office." He informed him. "If you ever need to talk to someone and I'm not around you're welcome to visit me there." He reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a card with his address and phone numbers on it and Sam mumbled his thanks.

A short while later they pulled up outside there destination and Jasper walked him inside, logging him in at the front desk and escorting him to his tiny room.

"I'll be back tomorrow." Jasper said as Sam emptied his bag. "I have some private sessions in the morning but I'll be in around lunchtime, Esme mentioned finding you some work and I thought we could look into it a bit better, check out the local college and see if there's anything that takes your fancy."

"That would be great." Sam nodded as Jasper headed towards the door. "Thanks Jasper."

"Anytime." He smiled, throwing a little salute as he closed the door behind him.

Sam blew out a long breath, taking in his almost barren surroundings, the pale walls and uniformed bed sheets, the narrow free standing closet, the three drawer bedside table with a small lamp and a wash basin. The only difference between this room and the one at Green Hill was the lack of bars on the window and that the door locked from the inside instead of out.

Somewhere in the distance he could here a child crying and the smell of food permeated the air, making his stomach growl embarrassingly. He pocketed the single key to his room, and left, following his nose out of the building and down the street.

"Hey man you got a light?" A guy about his age asked from his perch atop a fence, waving an unlit cigarette in front of him.

"No sorry, I don't smoke." Sam shrugged and the guy nodded. "Would you happen to know if there's a kitchen or a store around here?"

"Yeah, come on I'll walk with you, name's Jared by the way." He held out his hand in greeting, using the other to tuck his smoke behind his heavily pierced ear. "You in Serenity?"

"Sam and yeah I just got here, you?" He asked, shoving his hands into his pockets as they walked along the path.

"Family housing," Jared thumbed towards a group of two story houses "my girls trying to calm our daughter down, she's doing this whole controlled crying thing and I keep giving in and going to her crib to get her so I've been banished until she's quiet."

"You have a family, how old are you?" Sam frowned and Jared smiled.

"Seventeen," he nodded "same as Kimmy, we've known each other pretty much all our lives, she was like a sister to me, but then puberty hit and-" he grimaced cupping his hands at his chest. "let's just say I finally noticed she was a girl and leave it at that! Beginning of last year she found out she was pregnant with Kiah and neither of our families were very supportive, we moved in together and managed on our own for a while but I lost my job last month and we couldn't make rent."

"And you ended up here?" Sam asked.

"Better than the other option." Jared shrugged. "We have a roof over our head and we still have Kiah. We're together and that's all that matters. What about you? What brings you this way?"

"I just left Juvi," Sam mumbled, glancing quickly at Jared to gauge a reaction "I got drunk and caused a traffic accident last year, thirty six weeks reduced to twenty five for good behavior. I'm not entirely sure I'm wanted back home so my Doctor set me up here so that I can get myself back on my feet."

"Damn! I think I heard about that crash?" Jared exclaimed, stopping outside a building. "Anyway, this is the kitchen. I'm gonna head back and check on the girls, if you want to come over some time we live in unit five, just gimme a shout."

"Thanks man." Sam shook his hand again. "Hope the whole crying thing works out for you."

"Yeah me too, apparently I'm too soft." He chuckled backing away. "That little girl's had me wrapped around her finger since the stick turned blue. See you around."

The next morning, Sam woke to the annoying ring of an alarm clock, his heavy hand slapping it to the floor in an attempt to silence it. He pushed himself up on his elbows and glanced down at the offending contraption, noticing that he'd managed to sleep until almost eleven and could quite happily go back.

He sighed and stood, padding over to the basin and turning the faucet, splashing his face with cold water, catching his reflection in the plastic mirror above the sink.

Sam flicked his eyebrow, watching as the small scar that sat above the left one disappeared with the movement. His gaze traveled to his stomach and the scar that ran between the lines of his abdomen, a result of his splenectomy and the small spot like scars just below his armpit left by the chest drains after the accident.

A knock at the door drew his attention and he grabbed his small towel and rubbed his face dry as he went to answer it.

"Sam Uley?" A stocky, older man enquired and Sam nodded. "You have a message from Jasper Whitlock."

The man held out a folded piece of paper and Sam thanked him before closing the door and unfolding the note to find that Jasper was now giving a private patient a lift to the local community college and informing him that he would meet him there at twelve.

Sam pulled his jeans off the end of the bed and dug out a clean, plain white t-shirt from his drawer, dressing quickly in the hope of managing to find breakfast before his meeting. He walked out to the front desk and got directions for the college and headed towards it, stopping at a corner store for a small carton of milk and some cheetos.

The lobby of the college was fairly busy and rather imposing. Sam dropped his trash into a can and walked along a wall that listed a bunch of professors and their subject. He was a little early so he grabbed a worn prospectus from a small table and dropped into a chair to browse.

"See anything that interests you?" Sam looked up to find Jasper grinning down at him, and a girl who was a good few inches shorter hiding behind him. "Sam this is Emily, she's from the reservation up at Neah Bay, close to where I live and she attends this college."

"Nice to meet you." He smiled as she ducked out from behind Jaspers lean frame to shake his hand, her face hidden by a curtain of long, black hair. "Are you part of the Makah tribe?"

"Uh, yeah." She said softly, still keeping her distance.

"I'm from the Quileute tribe in La Push." Sam nodded, pushing his hands into his pocket nervously and glancing at Jasper who watched the exchange with an amused expression. "I haven't lived there in a long time though, but I have some fr…I know some people there."

"I…I know some people." Emily's hair shook and Sam thought he saw a slight curve appear on the visible part of her lips. "I have family there."

Sam watched as jasper regarded her with pursed lips, before cocking an eyebrow and interrupting them. "Emily I hate to rush you, but Sam and I really need to get on with finding him something to do and I'm sure you don't want to be late to your first class. I'll see you in two days."

Emily nodded and turned away, hugging her backpack over her shoulder and keeping her head down as she walked through the halls.

"Did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to…?" Sam started but Jasper cut him off with a squeeze to the shoulder.

"Interesting." Jasper drawled, leading Sam across the lobby. "You're the first person she's spoken to, that isn't a medical professional, teacher or family in almost a year."

Sam frowned and glanced in the direction Emily had gone. "So why did you tell her we had to leave? Surely her talking is a good thing?"

"It is, it's a very good thing, and I plan on using that information in the future." Jasper nodded to himself. "I've just got to figure out how. So how was your first night?"

"Not to bad," Sam shrugged, "I got talking to this guy on my way to get some food, turns out he has a family in the centre, and I slept surprisingly well too."

"So you made a friend, that's good." Jasper clapped him on the back gesturing for him to sit in a small alcove with a table and two chairs. "I'm not counseling you today, at least not in the traditional sense, I just want to go over what you want for the future, things you can see yourself doing and Esme had some recommendations too." He looked at Sam expectantly.

"Honestly Jasper, I really don't care." He mumbled. "All I need is a roof over my head and to be able to live comfortably, anything else would be a bonus right now. I don't care what I do, whether it's McDonalds or some high powered office job, I just want to be able to get on with my life."

"Sam, for you to be able to afford a two-bedroom rental at the fair market rate of seven hundred and seven dollars a month on a minimum wage job, you would have to work a sixty five hour week. All the while, rental prices are on the increase and income isn't," Jasper explained. "I'm not saying that you won't be able to support yourself, or that you won't get anywhere without advanced education, but the doors it could open for you would be acutely beneficial for the future you want."

"What about if I enlisted?" Sam asked and Jasper sighed. "It worked for you right?"

"Joining the military is not the easy way out," he rubbed his forehead "as an Active Duty Soldier you'll be required to do anything from two to six years, deployments are twelve months at a time and a two week break in the middle. It's a serious step, Sam and it shouldn't be taken lightly, but if you're serious then I will help you. In the meantime look at this damn prospectus and see what you like."

They sat like that for hours, pouring over the course literature, talking about the pro's and con's of each subject and listing possibilities until, finally, Jasper had sat back and decided it was time for him to go home.

Sam tucked his papers under his arm, and headed for the door just in time to see Jasper's Camaro shoot past. He turned in the direction of Serenity and collided with a small body.

"Oh shit, sorry I didn't see you there!" He exclaimed as an open bag fell to the floor and books and pencils spilled out.

"Don't worry about it." A soft voice said and he looked down to see Emily, on her knee's gathering her things.

"Here let me help?" He sank down beside her and picked up a book.

"Oh no, you don't have too, I…I should have been paying more attention- it's not your fault." She stammered, keeping her shaking head down.

"I do and it was my fault, I should have been looking where I was going." Sam gripped her hand and passed her a book, helping her to her feet. "I'm sorry."

Emily glanced up at him through her curtain of hair, and he saw her cheek turn pink. "Apology accepted."

"So, uh, what are you studying?" Sam asked, his nerves returning full blast.

"Uh, food…I mean culinary arts!" She exclaimed, running her hand down her hair.

"Oh so you want to be a chef?" Emily shook her head.

"Private catering." She whispered.

"Sounds interesting, so…" He was cut off.

"I'm sorry I have to go." And with that she ran in the other direction, leaving Sam dumbfounded on the sidewalk.

"Sure, see you around," he said to himself as he watched her disappear round a corner.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: And we're back to dark again! Oh, well maybe next time.**

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The phone creaked in Sam's hand, the dial tone ringing in his ear and his heart hammering in his chest. He stood in the lobby of Serenity House, leaning his elbow on the body of the payphone while the receptionist smiled warmly at him from behind her glass partition.

His stomach rolled when the call finally connected, the feeling of sickness abating slightly when he realized the answer phone had kicked in.

"Uh, hi mom," he stammered rubbing his forehead "I guess you already know that I'm out, but I thought I'd call to make sure.

So I'm staying at Serenity House at the moment, my doctor helped me find a place here and I have a counselor whose helping me get in to college, I've just gotta figure out what I want to do. It's not as easy as I thought it was gonna be, there are so many choices and I'm not quite sure where I fit in right now, but-"

Sam dropped more money into the phone. "I just…If you ever want to talk, call me here and someone will come and get me or take a message- I guess that's everything."

He moved to replace the receiver in its cradle, pausing mid air and bringing it back to his ear. "For what it's worth? I really am sorry, mom, I never meant to disappoint you."

Sam zipped up his jacket and shoved his hands into his pockets, walking out onto the street in an effort to clear his head, it was dark and the rain clouds that had plagued the sky all day had finally cleared to reveal an almost perfect night.

"Yo man, wait up!" Sam turned to find Jared running towards him, his battered leather jacket pulled up around his neck to protect himself form the chill wind. "Where you off too?"

"Just walking," Sam replied "You?"

"Store, Kimmy wants milk and soda and Kiah wants spaghetti. What my girls want, my girls get." He smiled and shrugged. "Plus I'm out of smokes."

"How's the controlled sleep, thing going?" Sam asked.

"Not too bad, she's getting used to it and I've only caved three nights out of five so I must be too, right?" Jared exclaimed and Sam chuckled.

They walked towards the store in easy conversation and Sam felt lighter than he had in weeks. Jared stopped suddenly as they passed an alleyway, his eyebrows knotting together as he motioned for Sam to stay quiet and tilting his head to listen.

"You hear that?" He asked and, as if on cue, a low moan slipped from the darkness. "Hello?"

Sam stepped in front of him, edging his way past a large dumpster, his eyes struggling to focus in the almost total darkness. Another moan sounded and he whipped his head round stumbling over a soft body, his hands flying out to catch himself against the wall.

"Jared, you got a light or anything?" He whispered and Jared nodded, digging into his pocket and pulling out a cheap plastic lighter, illuminating a small portion of the alley in a sinister orange glow.

"Bring it down here." Sam directed crouching slightly and Jared lowered his hand until they could make out a battered face. "Shit! Embry!"

Sam grabbed at Embry's face, and his eyes fluttered. "Embry! Can you hear me?"

"Get the fuck off me!" He slurred, bringing an uncoordinated hand up to swat at Sam.

Sam hooked his arms under Embry's, standing and dragging the younger boy with him. "Jesus Christ, Em, what the fuck have you been doing?"

"You know this kid?" Jared asked cocking an eyebrow and Sam nodded a quick look down showing that Embry was currently passed out against his shoulder.

"He's my brother," he sighed, twisting the teenager's dead weight to get a better grip while Jared stepped to his other side to help "but he shouldn't be here, he lives back at the Quileute Reservation at La Push."

"Where are we taking him?" Jared pulled his arm around his shoulder. "Hospital"

"I don't know." Sam huffed, starting back out on to the street. "I can't send him home like this, and I don't know his mom's phone number anyway. I'll guess I can keep him at mine and watch him until he sobers up from whatever it is he's done and take it from there."

Together they dragged Embry back towards the house, stopping twice to lean him over a trash can while he threw up and earning them a myriad of assuming glares.

Sam took his brothers weight as Jared poked his head through the door to make sure the receptionist wasn't there before signaling for him to come through and resuming his place beside Embry to help him to his room.

"What do you think he's done?" Jared asked as Sam quickly stripped the bed down to it's protective sheet and lowered the unconscious boy on to it. "Drink?"

"It's hard to tell, all I can smell is piss and vomit." He sighed. "Thanks for helping me Jere, I owe you one."

"Don't sweat it; you would've done the same for me." Jared said clapping him on the shoulder. "I should get going though, I still need to go to the store and Kim's gonna start worrying soon."

He slipped out the room just as Embry groaned and rolled, and Sam had just enough time to push the small waste basket under his head before he vomited again.

"Embry?" Sam knelt next to him, his hand on his shoulder to softly shake him. "Come on bro, wake up I need you to tell me what you've taken."

"Goway." He mumbled attempting to turn the wrong way and almost falling from the bed.

"If you don't start talking to me I'm gonna throw water over you!" Sam threatened. "I need to know what you've taken."

He was met by complete silence as Embry turned his face into the plastic sheet. Sam rolled him back over and stood up, taking the plastic bag from the waste basket and leaving it beside the bed before turning to the wash basin and letting the cold water run.

"Embry!" He called, giving him one last chance before he turned the bin up and dumped the water on his head and Embry shot up with a gasp.

"What the fuck!" He spluttered, shaking the water from his face and scrambling off the bed only to drop to his knees.

"Oh good!" Sam turned and put the bin on the floor. "You're up."

"Where the fuck am I?" Embry crawled backwards until his back was flush against the wall, his eyes darting around nervously before finally settling on Sam.

"Serenity House in Port Angeles," Sam leaned against the sink and crossed his arms across his chest "I found you in an alleyway down the street. You gonna tell me what you've been doing?"

"Why the fuck would I do that?" He screeched, wincing as he knotted his eyebrows together and aggravated to wound next to his blackening eye. "I don't even know who the fuck you are! For all I know you could be some fucked up pedophile or some shit like that!"

"You know? For a kid your size you've got an awfully big mouth!" Sam scoffed. "No wonder someone smacked you!"

Embry fell quiet, pulling his knees to his chest and Sam sighed, pushing himself up and walking to his closet to find some clean clothes for the boy. "Here put these on, you smell like shit."

He grabbed the clothes and stood, his legs wobbling with the effort as he tugged his soiled shirt over his head and dumped it on the floor and affording Sam a look at the bruises that littered his ribs and chest.

"Do you need me to take you to a doctor?" Sam asked and Embry shook his head. "Well can you at least tell me what's been going on?"

"Why the hell do you care so much?" He spat, toeing off his sneakers and dropping his pants before pulling on the ones Sam had given him and rolling them over at the waist.

"You really don't know who I am?" Sam cocked an eyebrow as Embry looked at him blankly. "Your mom and mine were…friends; we hung out a couple of times when you were little. It was a long time ago though, I don't think you were much older than five when we moved off the reservation so I guess it's no surprise you don't remember me. I'm Sam Uley."

"No shit!" Embry scoffed, sliding back to the floor. "My mom told me about you, she said you were all kinds of drunk and fucked up and that you'd almost killed someone last year. Told me never to turn out like you." Embry's eyes widened slightly before he lurched forward and threw up on his shoes.

"How's that working out for you exactly?" He asked, filling up the plastic glass next to the sink and holding out for him to take.

"You don't know shit about me!" Embry mumbled, gulping down the liquid.

"Likewise." Sam nodded. "And with all due respect, your mom hasn't got the slightest idea about me- although I get why she told you what she did."

"So you didn't nearly kill someone?" Embry looked up at Sam expectantly as he walked across the room and sat on the bed.

"No that's true," he shrugged "but the other stuff isn't. I'm not an alcoholic, and I never did any drugs. I was on the football team, trying to get a scholarship, there were supposed to be scouts at my last couple of games and I would never have done anything to purposefully jeopardize that.

I was just stupid. My ex-girlfriend snuck a couple of six packs from her moms store and we sat in her room and drank them. We argued, broke up and I stormed out and got into my car. Fifteen minutes later I was in the back of an ambulance and they were still trying to cut the other driver out."

"What do you want? A pat on the back!" Embry sneered. "You're still a fuck up!"

"And I suppose you're perfect, huh?" Sam retorted. "Did you even go to school today or did you just spend the day drinking yourself stupid? Or is having the shit kicked out of you while you're sat in a puddle of your own piss and vomit classed as education these days?"

"Get the fuck off my back!" Embry wobbled to his feet. "You're not my fucking father!"

"And you have no idea how lucky you are right now that I'm not him!" Sam growled as Embry yanked open the door and disappeared down the corridor.

Sam mutter a curse and ran after him, loosing sight of him as he rounded the corner towards the reception area.

"Embry!" He called and the younger boy turned to glance at him before pushing his way out on to the street and running straight into someone.

"Is everything alright?" The receptionist asked with a worried frown as Sam ran straight passed her towards the door.

Embry stood outside bent at the waist with one hand on his knee and the other on his chest while the guy he'd run into stood over him shouting.

"Em?" Sam pushed his way between the man and his brother, one hand his shoulder as he crouched down in front of him. "What's wrong?"

"I…can't…" he panted, his face going pale and clammy "breath…"

His eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped to the side, landing against the wet pavement with a thud. The man that had been stood shouting quickly straightened and walked away as Sam sank to his knees and shook the boy.

"I'll call an ambulance." Sam whipped his around to find the receptionist at the door with her cell phone to her ear, loudly requesting assistance.

"Embry, can you hear me buddy?" Sam tapped his cheek. "Come on, wake up- you gotta wake up!"

"Is he breathing?" The woman was now crouched next to them, phone still pressed to her ear as Sam leaned towards Embry's face and turned to watch his chest. Nothing. "No he's not breathing," she said into the phone and Sam pulled back, wide eyed at the motionless body in front of him.

"CPR," the woman gripped his shoulder to get his attention "we need to get him breathing."

Sam tried desperately to recall any first aid training. "I don't…" he shook his head and the receptionist grabbed Embry's legs and straightened him out.

"You breath, I'll do compressions." She instructed as she took his place next to his body on the opposite side from Sam. "Use two fingers under his chin and put your other hand on his forehead and tilt his head back."

Sam did as he was told and the woman smiled quickly, "Good, now check his mouth is clear and cover it with yours, then pinch his nose. When I say breath, do two short breaths and stop, okay?"

He nodded and sealed his mouth over Embry's, willing himself to ignore the bitter stench of vomit as he pinched his nose and waited for the command.

"Breath." Sam let out two short breaths and stopped as the woman rose above Embry and began chest compressions, quietly counting to her self before instructing Sam to breath again.

She repeated the process and pulled back. "He's breathing!" She exclaimed and began to roll Embry on to his side just as sirens appeared in the distance. "You did good, Sam."

He looked up at her, a little startled that she knew his name and nodded. "He's my little brother," he told her softly "I don't…thank you-"

"Angela," She smiled rubbing his arm. "You can call me Angela."

The ambulance pulled up at the curb and the paramedic jumped out. "What we got here?"

"Respiratory arrest, no more than five minutes," Angela stated "we performed CPR and he started breathing about a minute ago."

"Name?" The medic demanded as he began checking Embry over.

"Em...Embry," Sam stuttered, watching as his shirt was cut open and he heard Angela gasp. "Embry Call."

"And you are?" An EMT asked as he dropped down beside them.

"Sam Uley, I'm his brother." He swallowed as the medic began calling out Embry's name, trying get him to respond. "Is he going t be okay?"

"We're certainly going to try our best." The EMT said, trying to reassure him before pointing to Embry's bruised skin. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I'm not sure," Sam shook his head "I was walking to the store with a friend when we heard noise in the alley next to it. I found him on the floor behind a dumpster and brought him here, he threw up a few times and I just assumed he'd been drinking. We argued a little and he ran out here and knocked into someone. He said he couldn't breath and dropped to the floor."

"How old is he?" The medic asked, pumping something into the line that was now I the back of Embry's hand.

"Um," He frowned "Fourteen, I think?"

"You think?" He cocked an eyebrow. "You don't know old your own brother is."

"I haven't seen him since I was ten years old!" Sam exclaimed. "He doesn't even know who I am!"

"Let's get him on to the stretcher." Sam stood as the EMT slipped the board under his brothers' body and felt Angela's reassuring hand on his arm. "You coming with us?"

Sam nodded and followed them into the back of the ambulance, the sirens wailing all the way to the hospital.

The sounds of the hospital buzzed around Sam as he sat in the cold hard chair of the waiting room, doctors bypassing him without a glance as they went about their business.

He sighed and dropped his head into his hands, glancing in the direction they'd wheeled Embry off in almost two hours ago as another nurse came running through the swing doors and disappeared through another.

"Excuse me?" Sam stood and walked over to the reception, waiting for the man sat behind the computer to look up at him in acknowledgement. "Can you tell me anything about what's happening with my brother? His name is Embry Call."

"I'm sure a doctor will be out to speak with you soon, if you'll just take a seat…" he was cut off by a woman running down the corridor, yelling at him.

"My son, I need to see my son!" She cried breathlessly. "Call, Embry Call, I was told they brought him here."

"As I was just telling your son ma'am, "The receptionist nodded towards Sam "A doctor will be out to talk to you soon."

"My son?" She turned to look at him and recognition flashed across her face. "Sam? What are you doing here?"

"I was with him when he collapsed." Sam explained softly and her eyes widened.

"I thought you were…" She mumbled. "What happened?"

"I found him on the street a few hours ago." Sam led her to the chairs. "I thought he'd been drinking and took him back to my place to sober him up a little. He ran out and collapsed outside my building."

"Oh god!" She crumpled into a chair. "I knew something like this would happen! I should've tried harder, this is all my fault."

"Mrs. Call?" A doctor stood over them. "I'm doctor Woods; I've been treating your son."

"Is he okay?" She shot to her feet. "Can I see him?"

The doctor nodded and instructed her to follow and Sam looked on as she walked away. "Are you coming?" She yelled back without looking and he quickly ran to catch up with them.

"It appears that Embry went into respiratory arrest," The doctor explained "most likely as a result of the alcohol consumption. His blood alcohol level was zero point three one, it put extra strain on his heart and aggravated his current condition which caused his collapse."

They were lead into a private room where Embry laid asleep on the bed, various wires stuck to his chest and connected to beeping machines.

"It was too late to pump his stomach, so we've placed him on a drip to help remove the alcohol from his system." The doctor checked the machines as he talked. "The ECG showed no change but we're going to keep him in for a few days to make sure and go over his medication regime again. Hopefully he's learned his lesson this time. He's lucky Sam found him otherwise it could've been a lot worse."

Embry's mother nodded as tears rolled down her cheek. Sam grabbed a chair from the corner of the room and placed it by the bed for her to sit in.

"Mrs. Call?" He asked softly as she took her sons hand. "Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head and Sam dropped into another chair in the far corner of the room.

"He has Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy." Sam's head shot up and she gazed at him with watery eyes. "We found out six months ago after I was diagnosed with it. It's genetic so he needed to be tested."

"It's a thickening of the heart muscle." She turned back to Embry and reached up to touch his bruised face. "He's been so angry. He had to quit the football team just incase his heart couldn't take it, he has to be on medication for the rest of his life and there will always be a chance that…that something will happen to him!

These past few months he's been uncontrollable. Ditching school almost every day, leaving the house at god only knows what time only for the police to bring him back for being underage and drunk on the side of the road. Ever since we found out about the disease, it's like he's been pushing and pushing, determined to show everyone that they're wrong."

Sam stood and slowly walked over to her, toying with the idea of touching her before placing a hand on her shoulder, somewhat relieved when she didn't shrug him off, but instead placed her hand over his.

"He's been hanging around with some older kids from the edge of town, they part of a 'club'" She sneered "they fight each other, winner versus winner, that's where all these bruises came from. Last week the club was broken up by the police, but I guess they must have just moved to Port Angeles. It's the only reason I can think that he was here."

A nurse walked in and checked his vitals, offering no words as they both looked on until she finished and left the room.

"Thank you, Sam." She offered him a small smile. "If you hadn't of found him? I don't know what I would have done if…"

"It was nothing," he said squeezing her shoulder.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: This is a fairly short, not so sweet chapter (as if you could expect anything less with this story?) Anyway, I'm back, so expect some more updates! 'This Could be Anywhere...' should be next (if you're reading it...you should be!), I'm struggling with how far to take the chapter, but it's almost done.**

**I'll let you read now.**

* * *

Sam stepped off the bus, the clattering door and hissing engine making him jump as it pulled away from the curb. He rubbed his hand down his face, trying to brush away the fatigue that he had been left with after spending the night at Embry's bedside with his mother, and looked towards the large colonial house that sat hundred yards back from the curb. He walked to the door, pressing the brass doorbell and hoping that nine thirty wasn't considered too early for an impromptu house call.

He attempted to smooth down the t-shirt that he had been wearing since yesterday morning and discretely tried to sniff himself and measure his level of body odor, straightening quickly when the door swung open and it took him a moment of staring at the empty space in front of him to realize that someone was speaking to him.

He glanced down at the petite woman, dressed in pink scrubs and looking as if she would barely come up to his shoulder.

"Can I help you, or did you just plan on standing on my doorstep all day?" she asked, placing her hand on her hip and cocking an eyebrow at him.

"Sorry ma'am," Sam shook his head. "I'm looking for Jasper Whitlock. I don't have an appointment, but I just need..."

"Come on in honey," the woman stepped back and motioned him inside. "Jazz is busy right now- you're not the only one who needed to talk to him this morning. I don't think he'll be much longer though."

"I can wait until another time, it's not that important." he said quickly, heading back towards the door but stopping at the small hand on his forearm.

"Nonsense, if you felt it was important enough for you to come here then it's important to him." she pushed him through to a small den, "sit, he'll be done in a little while."

And then she left, leaving Sam sitting in the sparse room.

He glanced around the room, taking in it meager decor, his eyes landing on a partially cracked door and registering the soft hum of voices. His curiosity of got the better of him and he stood, carefully closing the distance between himself and the door- the crack was just wide enough that he could make out a large chair and the top of Jasper's mop of wavy hair over the edge. Across from him sat a girl, her long hair falling forward as she held her head in her hands.

"I know it sounds so stupid," the girl shook her head. "He was the only one who seemed to understand, the only one who didn't look disgusted or pitiful every time he looked at me. I was normal when I was with him and now he's gone- I have no one."

"That's not true Emily, you know that." Sam stiffened at little at the sound of her name, and he watched as Jasper leaned forward on his knees. "You have your mother and the rest of the family back at the Quileute reservation- you'll need each other now more than anything. What about the new guy, Sam?"

"Wh…what about him?" She stammered, sniffing behind the curtain of hair.

"In the year that I've known you, you've never spoken about friends- boyfriends." He said softly. "The school counselor tells me you spend your lessons alone, hidden in the back of the room unless its specifically requested that you work with someone."

"Yeah well it's hard to look someone in the eye when you have the face I have," Emily sobbed, twisting a tissue between her shaking fingers. "When something like that happens, you really get to know who your true friends are- apparently I had none, and I'd rather not go through all of that again."

"It doesn't have to be that way," Jasper implored. "Not everybody is as superficial as the people you considered your friends. I'm not saying that people won't look at you, but you need to give them a chance to prove you wrong- if you don't want to feel alone then you have to start letting people in."

Silence fell in the room and Sam held his breath, scared that they might hear him. He knew he shouldn't be listening, he was fully aware that this girl was baring a part of her soul, but he just couldn't help it. Every word out of her mouth was like a blow to the chest, he knew exactly how she felt- he was just as alone as she was.

"He has scars too." The words were so quiet he almost missed them and apparently so did Jasper.

"I'm sorry?" He leaned a little farther forward and Sam felt himself doing the same, his head pressing lightly against the cool wood of the heavy oak door.

"S…Sam, he has scars too, you just can't see them." she replied, lifting her head to look at Jasper. "There's something-" Emily trailed off, twisting the tissue even more and swallowing loudly.

"Scars don't have to be visible, they don't have to twist down your arm or slice across your face for them to be there." She tilted her head up. "It's in his eyes; I can see it- pain, regret, and remorse. He's alone too."

Jasper stared quietly for a moment. "So let him in."

"I have to go." Emily stood abruptly, grabbing her backpack and twisting towards the door and the action caught Sam off guard, causing him to stumble against the door and he watched in horror as it swung wide open.

"How long have you been there?" Emily's eye's visibly widened.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I…" Sam shook his head vehemently. "I'm sorry."

Emily turned to Jasper, her voice cracking as she yelled. "How am I supposed to trust him?"

"Emily, please?" Jasper reached for her arm just as she began to run, pushing past Sam and disappearing into the foyer of the house, the resounding slam of the front door notifying them of her exit moments later.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to listen." Sam exclaimed and Jasper cocked an eyebrow, leaning over the table and flicking Emily's file shut.

"Yes you did, you just didn't mean to get caught!" He sighed walking over to a filling cabinet and burying the folder deep inside. "What are you doing here, Sam?"

"I came to talk, I…" He couldn't help but glance over his shoulder in the direction she had fled. "Will she be okay?"

"I don't know." Jasper shrugged. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I just," he looked back again. "It's not important, I'll see you tomorrow."

Sam ran from the room and towards the front door, fighting with the catch as a scarred hand reached over his shoulder and flicked it open with ease. He turned to find Jasper smiling almost knowingly at him.

"Try the park about a mile up the road," he said pulling the door open. "There's a rose garden there that she likes, it's probably your best bet."

Sam nodded and bolted down the pathway.

"Other way!" Jasper shouted with a chuckle and Sam turned quickly, throwing his hand up in thanks as he ran down the road.

* * *

He had almost given up as he bent over, hands on his knees and breathless from the continuous running, when he finally saw it.

In the center of the park was a large fenced off area, hedged by pruned shrubs and topiary and its cast iron gate slightly ajar.

He walked towards it, gritting his teeth at the grating sound the old gate made as he pushed it further, allowing him the room to step inside and find the cobble path that led deeper into the garden.

His eyes scanned wildly, searching every bench and every patch of grass. He walked in circles around the flower beds just to make sure she wasn't lying down where he couldn't see her, but found nothing and resigned himself to the fact that she wasn't there.

Sam walked back towards the gate and pulled at it, and again it protested every inch. He was just outside when a strangled sob caught his attention and he frowned, turning back toward the noise and following across the garden to a large tree with branches that overshadowed anything near it.

He frowned as he padded across the ground, grateful for the well kept lawn that made his approach almost silent and his eyes fell on a familiar backpack that poked out from the other side of the tree trunk.

Sam listened quietly to her sobbing as he slumped to the ground, the bark scratching against his scalp as he leaned back into it and rested his arms on his knees.

"You were right." He said finally and a small gasp came from behind him. "I have scars so deep that nobody else even knows they're there, hell even I forget they're sometimes, but then eventually I remember and then…"

Nothing.

"My little brother called me a fuck up, and I'm beginning to think he's right too- it seems like it runs in the family." He continued, glancing up through the leaves at the little blotches of light that fought through the denseness. "My father was an abuser and an adulterer, I have a record and spent the last eight months of my life in a detention facility and if it wasn't for the kindness of people around me I would have nothing.

That brother I mentioned? He doesn't even know who I am- his mother was afraid he'd be outcast if he knew what happened. It's not looking to great for him either right now, at least it wasn't when I left him at the hospital this morning."

He started a little when a small sound drew his attention and he turned to find Emily sitting inches from him, half her face still covered by the curtain of hair and the other half showing visible signs of sadness.

"You shouldn't have done that." she said softly. "It was private- you had no right."

"I know and I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am." Sam pleaded turning towards her. "I know it doesn't take it back, but I really mean it, I never meant to hurt or embarrass you."

Emily tugged on the ends of her hair and nodded minutely, ducking her gaze to her knees. "Is your brother okay?"

Sam shrugged. "Only if he wants to be. He has something wrong with his heart, it can be managed, but he's kinda been in denial about the whole thing and refusing treatment. I found him yesterday in an alley down the street from Serenity House- he lives almost seventy miles away, he doesn't drive so god only knows how he got this far."

"Maybe he has a friend who brought him here?" She suggested.

"A friend wouldn't have let him get the way he did and then leave him to it." Sam growled. "His alcohol levels were through the roof, it put too much strain on his heart and he collapsed just after I found him. Can you imagine what would've happened if I hadn't…"

He trailed off and shook his head, turning to Emily as she leaned over her backpack and unzipped it, burying her hands inside as she tried to retrieve something. Her hair fell over her face again and Sam couldn't help himself, his hands skimmed against her soft tresses, sweeping them back and tucking them behind her ear and she froze

His widened gaze traveled the length of the angry scars that tainted the right side of her face. Her otherwise perfect eyebrow was missing a small chunk halfway through, her hazel eye pulled down at the corner and her mouth curved into a permanent frown.

"You shouldn't have done that either." She whispered, frantically reaching up and pulling the hair back down over her face and scrambling to her feet.

"No wait, please?" He begged jumping up after her and grabbing her arm to stop her. "You don't need to hide from me- look."

Sam lifted his shirt, tracing his scars with his fingertips. "They're not all inside, see? You don't need to hide it from me."

"I'm not hiding it from you, I'm hiding it from myself!" She screeched, yanking her arm from his grip. "Do you have any idea what it's like to look at your reflection and see what I see? Every mirror, every window, I can even see it on a fucking spoon!"

"When was the last time someone pointed and stared at you? Because that happened to me yesterday, when I forget myself and pushed my hair off my face. My niece actually ran from the room when she saw me the other day!"

Emily shook her head and wiped her tears from her face.

"What happened to me almost killed me." she said softly. "Everyday, every time I catch a glimpse of myself or see the look on someone else's face, I wish that they'd have just let me die."

Sam stood, motionless as she clutched her bag and walked away from him- again.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I apologize for the length of my recent chapters, I've been so tired recently and my head feels like its filled with jelly- it feels like none of my words are coming out like they should, so theres a good chance this will the last update for a little while, unless I can pull myself together. **

**However, I have let my fluff bunnies have a little run around this chapter- it's not quite as dark as previous ones and I hope you like it!**

**Reviews are appreciated (I'm even getting better at replying to them. Go me!), Red.**

* * *

"Can't read my, can't read my- no he can't read my poker face!" Sam couldn't help the little chuckle that passed his lips as he walked into the lobby of Serenity house to find the receptionist bouncing her shoulders as she sang to herself.

She looked up and flushed red at the small smile on his face, quickly collecting herself and rushing out of her small cubby to talk to him.

"Hey, how's your brother doing?" she wrapped her arms around herself against the light chill that was being blown through the open door and Sam shrugged non commitedly.

"According to the doctor he'll be okay as long as he lets them treat him, but if he's anything like me they've probably got a fight on their hands! He was still asleep when I left this morning though." Sam twiddled his room key between his fingers and she offered a small smile. "I never get a chance to thank you yesterday so- thanks Angela, if you hadn't of been there to do the CPR then I don't..."

"Hey!" Angela tapped his arm. "I couldn't have done it without you okay? You did an amazing job last night- give yourself a little credit."

His cheeks tinged pink, "well, thanks anyway. I had no idea what I was doing."

"You know they offer first aid courses at the college if you wanted to go along to one?" Angela said turning back to get desk and leaning over to get to the drawer. "My husband runs them every Wednesday night- he's a paramedic."Sam took the pamphlet she held in her hand.

"You have to pay for them, but if you'd like I can talk to him about getting the fee wavered?" She offered and he nodded. "Oh hey, someone called while you were gone. They left you a message."

This time Sam followed her to the desk and she stepped back inside her cubby, routing through the organized chaos on her desk for a small envelope with his name on it.

"Do you know who it's from?" he asked, eyeing it warily and Angela shook her head.

"The call came in this morning while Peter was on shift. I best get back to work," she slipped back into her seat. "Let me know about the first aid course okay?"

Sam smiled and waved as he walked through the corridors of the building towards his room, walking in he was greeted by the stale smell of vomit and groaned dejectedly- he'd forgotten about that.

He dumped his jacket over the end of the bed and began the task of cleaning up Embry's soiled clothes, tossing them into a bag with the intention of running them to the launderette before returning the to the hospital.

He gagged as he scooped up the congealed puke that had missed his brother sneakers and dumped the whole lot into a trash bag, putting it outside the door in an effort to lessen the stench before remaking his bed.

Sam opened the window as far as the safety lock would allow and slumped down onto the bed, sighing as he felt every muscle relax into the soft mattress. He pulled the note from his pocket and tore into the small brown envelope, shaking out the folded piece of paper.

'_I know. Mom.'_

Somewhere deep inside a wall came crashing down. His chest heaved and shuddered as he fought to keep back the raging torrent of sobs that were threatening to break free and he dug his fingers into the corners of his eyes pressing against the sting of tears.

He sucked in a deep breath when a soft knock sounded at the door. Tossing the note onto the bedside table, he pushed himself up and tried to shake off the feeling as he pulled it open to face his visitor.

"You mentioned Serenity house earlier and the receptionist told me you were here." Emily said quietly, her arms tucked around herself. "Are you busy?"

Sam shook his head and opened the door, gesturing her inside and watching as she turned her back to him and walked towards the sink. He sank down on to the bed and dropped his head into his hands with a sigh. "What are you doing here?"

He looked up, his heart skipping in his chest as he watched her scrape her hair back from her face and twist it up on top of her head, her eyes finding his in the mirror. "I'm giving you a chance to prove me wrong."

Emily turned towards him, her fingers twisting at the buttons of her coat and as she shrugged it off her shoulders, Sam's eyes traveled from her face and where the scars disappeared at the edge of her jaw to the jagged red line that peeked over the collar of her tank top.

She twisted her arm so he could see the angry lines that ran down the inside of her bicep, her booted feet twitching nervously under his scrutiny.

"There are more," she whispered, letting her arm drop to her side "but this is beginning to feel a little one sided."

"I already showed you, I…" Sam started, shaking his head as she walked towards him and he felt the bed dip, the soft scent of cinnamon and vanilla wafting under his nose as she settled next to him.

"I'm not talking about those, I'm talking about the other ones- the ones that you keep here." her mangled arm reached out in front him, her splayed hand coming to rest right above his heart. "Show me these and we're even."

"What am I supposed to say?" he asked, twisting his head to look at her and her hand dropped from his chest. "You wanna know that I'm the reason my dad beat my mom everyday until the day he died? Or maybe you want to hear about the time I almost killed someone and that it's the reason I am where I am today?

You're scars may be more visible than mine, but at least you don't have to live everyday knowing that they're your own fault."

"I don't live, Sam-" Emily shook her head. "I survive."

She kicked her boots off and scooted back against the wall, drawing her knees to her chest. "I realize that I should be grateful for what I have the fact that I'm still breathing, but I just can't seem to find it in myself.

I always thought that if I was ever given the choice between life and death then I would choose life- who wouldn't choose life?"

Sam pushed himself back until he was next to her, his hands braced on either side of his hips.

"I feel so alone," he barely heard her voice. "I feel invisible, which is so fucking stupid when half the time I'm wishing people would just stop looking at me! I'm tired of the pity, I'm tired of walking into a room and having everybody go quiet- as if what they're saying could make me feel any worse.

If I was given that choice now? Then I'd rather be dead than facing this life ugly and alone."

Emily's eyes fixed on something across the room, and Sam watched as they filled with unshed tears. His hand crept across the small gap between them until his fingertips found hers, her eyelids fluttered and the first fat tear rolled down her cheek.

She slumped sideways, her head resting on his shoulder and her body shaking with silent sobs.

Sam shifted his body towards her, tucking his legs underneath him and pulling her closer. Her hand slid back across his chest, fisting his shirt as her head burrowed in under his chin, her crying slowly becoming louder and her grip on him tightening.

"You're not alone," he whispered, pressing his nose into the top of her head. "Back at Jasper's he said you had family- you're not alone."

"They don't understand." Emily hiccuped, "they expect me to be the same as I was- like I should fall right back into my old life like nothings changed, but it's not the same- look at me!"

She leapt from the bed and tugged her tank top up to her chest. The line that had disappeared at her collar continued down her chest, and bit into the flesh of her breast- flowing under the cup of he bra and finishing just beneath the under wire.

"How am I supposed to go back to normal, when I'm not normal?" her face was red as Sam followed her across the room, pulling the hem of her top from her fingers and tugging it back down.

"Normal is overrated, different is much more interesting." he said softly. "The only normal people left are the ones who don't see everything that goes on around them and I'd rather not be one of them."

Sam reached for his bedside table, picking up the discarded note. "This is the most I've heard from my mom since the day I was sentenced," he said waving it in front of her face. "The only friends I have are my councilor and a kid down the street who helped me drag my brother out of the gutter, even though he had his own family to worry about- I'm just as alone as you are."

Emily brought a hand up to her face, wiping away the moisture from her cheeks. "It's been a while since I've had a friend."

He sighed and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back into his arms. "When was the last time you let someone try?"

She pulled back and began looking around her, sniffing as she reached for her coat. "It's getting late; I should be getting back to my dorm."

"You don't have to leave you know?" Sam said as she dropped onto the bed and began to stuff her feet into her boots before walking back over to the sink and reaching up to let out her hair.

"I know, I just…" she stopped with a frown as Sam's hand covered hers, preventing her from pulling her hair down.

"Do you think maybe…" he trailed off, dropping his hand as she turned towards him. "Do you want to be alone, together?"

Emily's eyes widened a little, but she nodded, pulling her coat back off and kicking her boots into the corner, standing nervously in front of him with her fingers twisting agitatedly in front of her.

Sam went to his closet, dropping his jeans and pulling on a pair of basketball shorts in their place. "You want some sweats or something?" he asked, sighing when she shook her head and crossing the few feet to the door to flick the lock and hit the light switch- plunging the room into almost complete darkness.

His hand found hers and he felt her jump a little before letting herself be tugged towards the bed. "You were right, it's getting late."

He sunk down onto the bed and moved as close to the wall as he could, pulling her into the vacant space next to him. "Goodnight, Emily."

Emily stared into the darkness, listening as his breathing settled into a slow and shallow rhythm, her knees tucked in to her stomach.

"Sam?" she whispered and he hummed in response. The movement of her hand was hesitant, and she fumbled blindly behind her until she found his arm and followed it down to his hand, lifting it from where it rested against his own hip- pulling it over herself and pressing herself back against his chest.

Sam tightened his grip around her stomach and curled around her, tucking her head under his chin, frowning as he caught her scent again. "You smell nice- kinda like cookies."

Emily laughed, her body vibrating in his arms as he chuckled behind her. "Oatmeal raisin actually- I made them during class today."

"You should do that more often." he said wearily, pushing his nose into her hair.

"What, make cookies?" she frowned, bringing her thumb nail to her mouth.

"No, laugh." he sighed as his eyes fell shut. "It's pretty, just like you."

Her eyes welled again, her hand covering his where it lay over her stomach as his breath tickled her hair. "Goodnight, Sam."

Sam awoke the next morning to a flurry of activity as Emily rushed around his room, simultaneously trying to pull on her boots and coat.

"What are you doing?" he frowned, pushing himself onto his elbows.

"It's nine thirty, I'm late for class and I still have to run home and get changed." she exclaimed as she hopped on one foot and tried to pull a boot onto the other. "I really need to pee, where's the hell's your bathroom?"

"End of the hall." he said, pointing to the door and watching bemused as she yanked it open and disappeared before it closed halfway.

He stood from the bed and pulled of his shirt and shorts and found fresh clothes, taking his toothbrush from the sink before walking over to stand in the doorway, hearing the muted flush of the toilet and waiting for her to come back in his direction.

"I don't have time to go home, you got any mouthwash?" she said running back towards his room and slipping under his arm, letting out a small yelp as she caught sight of herself in the mirror. "You let me go out there looking like this?"

Sam leant over the sink and spat, "I didn't notice." he shrugged, watching as she pulled her hair from the sleep disheveled twist and covered the right side of her face before handing her the bottle of mouthwash.

"Ass!" she growled, taking a mouthful of the blue liquid and Sam let out a scoff as he sat on the bed to pull on his shoes. "Where are you going?"

"I have to see Jasper to talk about my education and career prospects- fun, huh?" he grinned cocking an eyebrow. "I'll walk with you."

"Run, I'll be running!" Emily checked her watch. "And you've got about two seconds before I leave without you."

"I'm done!" he exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing his wallet and key from the bedside table. "Lead the way."

Emily had disappeared down the hallway by the time he'd managed to lock his door and a quick glance at the desk as he passed through reception saw that Angela's shift had finished.

The fifteen minutes it took to walk to the college, were spent in companionable silence- Sam watching as Emily ducked in and out of the crowds of people, her head down and her pace fast.

"Hey?" he caught her arm just as she was about to run into the building. "Do you wanna meet up for lunch one day?"

Emily looked up at him, her lip between her teeth as she retreated back into herself.

"Or not, I just thought that…" Sam shook his head and backed away from her, and her mouth dropped open with a little gasp.

"No," her hands gripped his shirt. "Hu…how about I come back to your's again? I'll bring dinner- we're making Tagine in class and it'll just go to waste otherwise."

"Sure," he nodded, reaching out and pushing her hair a little further back from her face. "I'll be waiting."

Emily's visible cheek turned pink and she mumbled a goodbye and ran inside.

"Dinner, huh?" a voice drawled from behind him. "I'm impressed!"

"Good morning to you too, Jasper." Sam said, rolling his eyes.

"Everything went okay when you found her then?" he asked, motioning for Sam to go through the entrance first.

"Not exactly," he shrugged, following him to a vacant table and watching as Jasper pulled out the prospectus and dumped it in front of him. "But she's talking to me and that's something, right?"

"It is indeed, my friend." Jasper exclaimed. "It is indeed."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey, how's everyone doing? Sorry it's taken me so long to get ANYTHING updated- let's just say that juice and computers don't mix and leave it at that! I've been itching to get some new stuff up and over the next week or so there should be a few chapters here and there. I'm trying to wrap some older fics up and put a new one out.**

**This chapter was really hard to get finished and it feels a bit weird for some reason, but I hope you enjoy it anyway and, as always, reviews are greatly appreciated (It was my birthday not very long ago and reviews would be the perfect belated gift- just throwing that out there!)**

**Redx**

* * *

Over the next few days, Sam and Emily fell into an easy routine.

She would turn up at his room in Serenity and on the days she had classes she would bring left over food for their dinner.

He would sit on the bed facing her, enjoying companionable silence or listening as she told him about her day, occasionally reaching over to tuck her hair behind her ears when she didn't feel confident enough to pull it back from her face.

Each night would end with her in his arms as the lay together on the bed, saying nothing- expecting even less.

One morning, a yellow toothbrush had appeared next to his green one and she'd turned to him with a frown. He'd shrugged, barely looking up from his book as he told her that just because they were alone, didn't mean his toothbrush had to be and that she was welcome to use it.

It was completely stupid, but it was also the second time he'd made her laugh.

On the Tuesday things had taken a slightly different turn. She'd got up to leave a lot earlier than usual and had only spoken to him when he'd sat up to slip his shoes on to make the walk to school with her, informing him that she wasn't going that day- there was something else she needed to do. She'd bolted out of the door before he could ask her any questions.

He spent the day job hunting, and things were looking up when he managed to swing an informal interview with a local construction company, but by seven Emily was nowhere to be found and by eleven he'd given up and flopped into bed.

He'd been asleep for a couple of hours when he was woken by a knock on his door, opening it to find Emily dressed head to toe in black and soaked to the bone.

Sam wearily tugged his sleep shirt over his head and shoved it at her, lying back on the bed and hiding his face in the pillow while she changed.

When she padded over he scooted back against the wall and held back the covers for her to get it, but instead of facing away she buried herself into his chest, her legs hooking over his as she lost herself in the security of his arms and cried herself to sleep.

The next morning he was awake before her. He slipped carefully over her body and off the other side of the bed and she grumbled, curling into the sheets, her hand slid across the mattress in search of his heat.

Sam spotted her still wet clothes, bundled in the sink and pulled out an empty trash bag to put them in, dropping them on the floor next to her sodden boots before he washed himself up as quietly as possible. Ten minutes later he was sneaking out the door, closing it quietly behind him as he walked down to the lobby of the building to find a sleepy eyed Angela sitting behind her desk.

"Long night?" he smiled softly, as she blinked hard a couple of times, slipping her hands under her glasses to rub her eyes.

"Kinda boring actually," she sighed sitting back in her chair and flexing her shoulders. "You're up early?"

"Yeah, I have to make and emergency trip to the launderette," he held up the bag of clothes and boots. "Need to get these clothes dry."

"Um-" Angela worried her lip before standing from her desk and walking out of her cubby. "I actually have to talk to you about something."

Sam frowned, but nodded. "Sure, go ahead."

"It's about, uh, the girl that comes here. It's kinda…" she coughed and her face flushed red. "It's not allowed for you to have a girlfriend stay over."

"Emily? She's just a friend- we're not…" he started, but Angela shook her head and stopped him.

"It's really none of my business, I don't have a problem with her being here and Peter doesn't care as long as everyone leaves him alone, but we had a trainee who saw her go in with you on Monday night and leave alone the next morning and she started asking questions." she smiled softly. "Having a partner or spouse live with you goes against your housing agreement- if it gets back to management you could loose your room and I don't want to see that happen to you Sam."

"I'm sorry Ange, I didn't realise-" Sam shuffled uncomfortably. "We've both been having a hard time lately and we just..."

"Like I said," Angela smiled and patted is arm. "It's none if my business, but if it's going to be a permanent thing you might want to apply for one of the family units?"

"We're just friends." Sam shook his head. "I should get going."

He turned towards the door and Angela's voice stopped him.

"You're not seriously thinking of putting those leather boots in the dryer are you?" she winced and he shrugged. "Give em' to me and I'll get them as dry as I can before I leave. I'll put them behind the counter for when you get back."

Sam muttered his thanks and left the building, walking the few blocks to the launderette and waiting patiently for the dryer to finish enough cycles for the clothes to be completely dry.

We he returned to serenity, Peter begrudgingly shoved Emily's boots at him when he'd asked and he noticed a small note clipped to one.

_'Best I could do- you may need to loan her a pair of thick socks. Ange'_

Sam pocketed the note and fished out his key, walking into his room and ducking in surprise as his deodorant can smacked into the wall next to his head.

"Holy- what the fuck Em!" he exclaimed, cowering a little as she grabbed her purse from the floor and got ready to hurl it at him.

"Where the fuck is all my stuff? I woke up, you're gone and all my clothes are missing so what the hell did you do with them?" she yelled reeling her hand back.

Sam scowled, tossing the boots on the floor next to her feet and tipping the bag out on the end of the bed, the neatly folded clothes landing in a dishevelled heap on the crumpled quilt.

"In case you forgot, you turned up at my door in the early hours of the morning soaking wet. You left all your things in the sink so I took them and got them dry- I was trying to be helpful, I figured you wouldn't wanna walk out of here wearing my clothes!" he yelled back and Emily had the decency to look embarrassed as he bent down to pick up the dented can.

She quickly grabbed her leggings from the pile, tugged them on, catching Sam's eyes in the mirror before he turned away, and opened a drawer, keeping his gaze on the wall while she pulled his shirt over her head and replaced it with her sweater dress.

Sam tossed her a pair of balled up socks, "your boots aren't completely dry." he told her and she nodded, dropping on to the bed and slipping them on her feet.

He leaned against the sink and Emily studied the floor. "Wanna talk about it?" he asked and she shook her head, reaching a hand up to the nape of her neck and releasing the messy ponytail- her hair falling around her face, camouflaging her scars in shadows.

Sam sighed and cleared his throat, "well I finally got an interview- it's for McCarty Construction and pays minimum wage, but it's a start right?"

"That's great, Sam." she said, finally looking up at him, her lips curving, "really great…listen, about last night, I just- I'm really…"

She trailed off and he crossed the room and sat next to her, "when you're ready." he said softly, delving into his jean pockets and pulling out a balled up bill and some change, quickly calculating the total before turning and cocking an eyebrow at her. "Wanna share a stack of pancakes?"

Emily's shoulders visibly relaxed and she sat up straighter, revealing a little more of her face and a smirk. "You're actually offering to share your food?"

Sam scoffed. "Why wouldn't I?" her features turned into a frown, and she brought her hand up to his forehead.

"No fever? Pupils seem normal," she smirked at Sam's confused expression. "Where's my Sam and what have you done with him?"

His face split into a wide grin at her words. "Hey I can share when I want to! I concede that it doesn't happen very often, but I have my reasons."

"Hollow legs?" she quipped, standing up and pushing her feet into the damp boots.

"I like your cooking okay?" Sam exclaimed, reaching for his jacket. "And if it wasn't for the fact that I would have every feminist in the country demanding my head on a stick or that I don't actually have a kitchen, I would have chained you to my stove already!"

"I'm flattered." Emily deadpanned, pulling on the door and stepping into the hallway. "Such a charmer."

"Well I'm offering to buy you breakfast, so I can't be that bad, can I?" he held out his arm and waited for her to take hold.

"You mean aside from wanting to make me a kitchen accessory? I guess not." she shrugged, linking his arm and letting him guide her out of the building.

By the time they'd got to the diner, Emily had retreated into her self- clutching tightly to Sam's side and attempting to hide her face behind her hair again.

Sam walked her to a booth and waited for her to slide in, nudging her all the way along the bench so that he could sit next to her.

"You don't need to worry so much, nobodies looking- they don't care." Sam whispered as she pulled up the menu in front of her face, only for him to pull it back down again. "Try, please?"

She relented and folded her arms on the table, leaning her head down and squeezing her eyes shut when he reached over and pulled her hair behind her ear, her voice reduced to a mere squeak. "Sam."

"Hi what can I get you two, on this glorious morning?" Emily jumped at the waiter's appearance, his hand poised over his pad ready for their order and his eyes flicking between the both of them. "Not morning people huh?"

Sam looked over at her, sighing as she hurriedly pulled her hair back over her face. "What do you want?"

"Um-" she pulled up the menu. "Pancakes are fine."

"One pancake tower and two orange juices please." Sam smiled sharply at the waiter who cocked his eyebrow at the pair and left the table. "You can't keep hiding all the time, you need to…"

"Not today." she said stiffly, glaring at him with wet eyes over the top of the menu. "I will try- eventually, but it's not going to be today."

"Okay." he nodded, picking at a blemish on the melamine tabletop. "Listen, I need to talk to you- about staying over every night. It…where are you going?"

Emily had pushed herself to her feet and was currently stuffing herself between his knees and the table in an effort to get out of the booth.

"Let me out!" she demanded, her voice raspy and in danger of breaking.

"What?" he frowned. "Why?"

"I should have known." she stepped up onto the seat, drawing the attention of the rest of the customers as she stepped over his lap and jumped to the floor. "Did you think I was easy? That maybe because I look like this that I'd be grateful for the attention? All this time, I thought you wanted to be with me- be my friend, but you're no different to anyone else!"

"Where the hell is this all coming from?" Sam exclaimed, gripping her hand, refusing to let it go as she wriggled in his grasp.

"Just let me go!" Emily yanked her arm back, her elbow making contact with the waiter standing behind them, coffee pot and empty cups in hand, sending both toppling to the floor and causing her to yelp in pain as the scalding liquid seeped through the material of her sleeve.

"Oh my God! Are you okay?" the waiter reached for her arm. "You need to get cold water on that."

"Brady!" an overweight man shouted at the waiter through pass. "That's coming out of your pay check. Now clean it up."

Brady dropped Emily's arm, muttering under his breath as he squatted down and began the task of picking up the broken shards of glass and ceramic. Sam cast him a quick glance before leading Emily to the back of the diner and into the single stall bathroom.

"I can do it myself!" She sniffed, pulling from his grasp and turning to the sink.

"Emily?" he asked softly, reaching for the tap as she rolled her sleeve up and revealed her reddened skin. "What's going on?"

"Don't feel you need to stay with me out of some misguided sense of guilt- it was my fault this happened." she winced as she held her arm under the icy stream of water. "You can leave."

"Okay, you have _got_ to help me out here!" Sam threw his arms up in frustration. "One minute we're getting breakfast and the next you're literally climbing over me to get away, so please? Tell me what the hell I did wrong, because I don't have the slightest fucking idea!"

"You were gonna ask me to leave!" Emily exclaimed, twisting to face him and splashing water everywhere. "You don't want me anymore!"

"So you're telepathic now?" he scowled, shaking his head and reaching for her hand to place her arm back under the water. "Have I given you any reason to think that I don't want to be around you anymore?"

Emily kept her gaze on their clasped hands as he gently scooped water over her the length of her forearm.

"When I left this morning to dry your clothes, the receptionist spoke to me." he continued. "She said that someone had seen you coming in and out of the building and that if management find out I'm having someone stay over I could loose my room.

I suppose you were right in a way, but I don't want you to leave and you have to believe that- I just can't risk loosing the only roof I have over my head. If there was anyway around it, I wouldn't have said anything."

"God, I'm so stupid!" she tugged softly from his grasp and thumbed away a few rogue tears that sat on her cheeks, pulling nervously at the cuffs of her sleeves.

"No you're not, you're insecure and you're hurting- I figured that much out after you cried yourself to sleep last night." Sam sighed. "I get it Em, I do, and I'm trying, but you need to help me- you can't just run away when you think something's wrong."

Emily sniffed, her eyes fixed on her twisting fingers, "the day you found me at Jasper's house I'd lost someone- my uncle. We buried him yesterday."

Sam leaned against the sink, gripping her forearm and pulling her towards him, his hand slipping up over her shoulder and under her hair as he hugged her to his side.

"It was the first time I'd seen his whole family in a while. His daughter and I have never exactly got on, I think she always thought I was pulling her dad away from her or something and my being there yesterday pissed her off." she sniffed. "I walked out on the porch and found her nursing a bottle of tequila- she took one look at me and went off on one. She said he only paid attention to me because he felt sorry for me, and that nobody could ever love a freak like me because they would never be able to look at me without feeling physically sick.

I left after that and bussed it all the way here. Guess what she said kinda stuck with me- I didn't mean to go off on you like that."

"She shouldn't have said those things to you." he squeezed her hip. "But you have to remember that she's hurting and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Don't let it get you down- I know that it's easier said than done, but thinking on it over and over isn't gonna help."

"You're right." she cuffed her face. "It is easier said than done."

"Why?" Sam sighed and pulled away from her, standing in front of her with his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Why is it that you can believe the word of someone you've said yourself, you don't get on with, but you won't believe me?"

"Because you don't see what I see." Emily mumbled, glancing up at him through tear soaked lashes. "Everything she said was the truth."

"Something tells me we're just gonna have to agree to disagree on this one." he cocked an eyebrow and she offered him a small smile, nodding her head. "Maybe we should forget breakfast and start a fresh at lunch? It hasn't exactly gone very well has it?"

"Oh no! The waiter!" Emily gasped. "I broke the cups!"

"Don't worry about it, I'll sort it out- come on." Sam grasped her hand, leading her out of the bathroom and back into the main restaurant to where the waiter was clearing up the last of the puddle of coffee. "Brady, right?"

He looked up from his mop and sighed, "Yeah just gimme a sec and I'll get your order."

"Forget about it man, here-" Sam tapped his shoulder and pulled his money out of his pocket. "Hopefully it'll cover everything."

"You don't need to do that," Brady shook his head and pushed the mop into its bucket. "It's fine, honestly."

"No, please-" Emily piped up from behind Sam's shoulder. "It was my fault and you shouldn't have to pay for it."

"Thanks." he nodded, taking the money and slipping it into his apron. "You'd be surprised how many people don't bother."

Sam smiled and mumbled a goodbye under his breath as they turned and left the building.

"So about that lunch?" he started, but Emily winced and shook her head. "No?"

"I have a late class and some assignments to finish- I'm sorry! If you want you can come to mine? I have a house share for the late nights, I don't stay there very often, but I can do a late dinner and maybe you could stay…if you wanted?" she shrunk back behind her hair as she looked at him. "It was just an idea."

"If you sure you want me there and I won't get in the way, then I'm more than happy to stay." he shrugged. "I don't want to keep you from doing your work or annoy your housemates."

"I really don't care what they think!" Emily complained and Sam smiled.

"See, now that's more like it!" he chirped. "I think we're getting somewhere!"

Emily rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'll call you at Serenity before my class to give you the address okay?"

"Sure," he nodded. "You want me to walk you to school?"

"Nah, I need to run back to the house and change." Emily backed away from him. "I'll call you later."

* * *

Sam knocked at the door of the address that Emily had given him, nervously straightening his backpack on his shoulder as he tipped his head back to look over the comfortably sized house.

Giggling from inside drew his attention back as it grew closer "who is it?"

He frowned a little before noticing the small spy hole in the door, giving a small wave to whoever was watching him through it.

"Hi I'm Sam," he explained "I'm here to see Emily- she's expecting me."

The door swung open and a woman with a head of icy blonde curls and an equally cold demeanor greeted him.

"Seriously, Emily?" She scowled and he nodded. "Well this is a first! you must be the reason she locked herself in the kitchen all evening, I haven't been able to get a damn thing out of there. Right through there."

He slipped past her and into the house, "thanks uh-"

"Hayley," she said clicking the door shut behind them as she gave a quick once over. "My bedrooms upstairs, second on the left- just incase you get bored."

Sam gave her a tight smile as she made her way back upstairs, quickening his pace in the direction she'd pointed him in. He stopped at a door at the end of the hall, the clinking of plates ringing through as he turned the handle and poked his head round.

"Something smells good!" he said and Emily jumped, the spatula in her hand toppling to the floor as she rounded in him.

"Jesus fucking Christ Sam! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to sneak up on people?" she exclaimed, clutching her chest.

"Of course she did-" he chuckled. "Quite a few times and in increasingly colourful vocabulary. Who do you think I perfected my skills on?."

Sam slid into a chair. "So, your housemate said you've been holed up in here all day. What are we having?"

"All day is a slight exaggeration- more like a couple of hours max! And it's just steak and potatoes." Emily shrugged, grabbing a dishcloth and reaching into the oven for the warmed plates.

"I think I'm gonna have to marry you!" Sam sighed and she chuckled, shaking her head as she spooned food onto the plates.

"Well I guess it is more politically correct than chaining me up in your kitchen?" she conceded playfully. "And I may not look it but I'm actually pretty high maintenance- I don't think you could afford to keep me. Besides, you're totally not my type!"

"Oh!" Sam's eyebrows slid up his forehead. "I'm hurt- deeply hurt! So what is your type? Blonde? Scrawny?"

"Blind." she quipped, raising her scarred eyebrow as she put his plate in front of him, dropping into the seat opposite.

Sam bit the inside of his cheek. He sat quietly, glancing up at her between mouthfuls and pushing his food around; Emily ignored his looks- focusing her gaze on the wall.

When she'd cleared her plate, he rose to his feet and before she could object, had grabbed it along with his still half-full one and dumped them into the sink.

He cleaned noisily. Turning the taps on full blast, scraping leftovers into the garbage disposal and tossing the plates back into the water along with clattering utensils.

Emily wordlessly joined him, picking up a dishcloth and drying up what he put down.

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly as she slid the last glass back onto its shelf and threw the balled up cloth on the counter top.

Sam shook his head and refused to meet her eyes. "Nothing."

She didn't press him, instead she reached down and picked up his backpack and gently tugged his damp fingers to guide him from the kitchen and up the stairs.

Hayley's door was open as they passed and her head whipped up from the magazine she was reading and her gaze zeroed in on there loosely clasped hands. Sam stood taller, twisting his fingers with Emily's and strengthening the hold.

She squeezed gently, as she kicked open the door to the next room and tugged him inside. "This is my room."

He glanced around as she dropped his hand and went to deposit his bag on her bed. It was almost as sparse as his room- no photographs or personal items, but her clothes were strewn about the floor and bedposts and the brightly colored bed sheets were twisted and unmade.

His eyes fell on a full-length mirror, shoved in the corner of the room with a small towel covering the top section. He reached out and tugged it down, catching Emily's eyes over his shoulder in the reflection.

"That's there for a reason." she said quietly, turning and opening the door to a small closet, a surprised squeak falling from her lips as Sam's hand smacked the wall a foot from her head.

"Enough!" he growled, gently gripping her arm and pulling her across the room to stand in front of the mirror. "Tell me what you see."

His fingers pulled softly at her hair, bringing it behind her shoulders as her eyes squeezed tightly shut, and she felt him slip her cardigan down her arms and off her body, hearing the soft flutter of it hitting the floor.

"Do you want to know what I see?" he asked and watched as her eyebrows knitted together. "I see someone smart and strong, sensitive and beautiful- but none of that is important because the only thing that really matters is what you see. Now open your eyes and tell me- what do you see?"

Emily forced her eye's open, her gaze falling on his hand as he mindlessly fingered the scar on her arm and raising them to where she could feel the soft, warm grip of the other on the crook of her neck.

She ignored her own reflection and found his face looking back at her, giving her a small nod of encouragement as she sucked in a breath.

"I see you."

* * *

**E/N: Was that weird for you too?**


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